day 1825 – family doctor

this is a rather big deal when i make it an exception and visit my family doctor. after many months of ghosting her, even she was surprised to see me. she asked a bunch of questions, did some tests and wrote two referral notes and off i went. i took a day off work to run around from clinic to clinic; these tests and xrays are so time consuming. hopefully the results turn out negative. it’s a day off away from the office but not really – an influx of emails and a presentation to prepare for kept me busy

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day 1574 – surgeon visit 

fifth time into the clinic and fifth set of xrays, the radiologist has gotten to know me too well. hand specialist handed me some good news today that gave me a reason to smile and it wasn’t that my bone has grown back together cause the xrays are still ugly. in fact, he reiterates my bone will never be straight again, it will never appear as one piece, it may always have clicking inside, but he intends on making my thumb work again. my splint is trimmed down a little and i’m given the go ahead on certain things. it just means i now have less restrictions as to how often i need to wear it. the road is a little more clear now

day 1553 – splint change 

third time into hand clinic and fourth set of xrays taken within twenty four days. new specialist has taken over my case and i’m still confused with how i’ll be treated. he wasted no time; i get a new splint made right away and hand therapy begins. she assigned four exercises which i had plenty of trouble doing on my first set. i’m instructed these were to be done minimum five times a day. by the end of the day i made much improvement with two of them, but still struggling with the other two. these are very basic motor skills that i’ve lost made me feel useless. i can only hope that if i keep at it, it will get better day by day

day 1548 – hand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me

day 1541 – recasted

i was anxious to see my referred hand specialist also known as cosmetic plastic surgeon. i saw my bruised and shriveled up hand as he removed my splint to take a new set of xrays. after flipping back and forth a dozen times and examining my bone, he decided he wasn’t satisfied and wanted to reexamine next week. he sent me home recasted with a fiberglass splint only to do it all over again to decide if i require surgery or not. the splint is slightly less bulky, but just as uncomfortable. i pray for it to meld back together quickly so i can get back to doing what i do

day 1529 – shattered thumb 

a blocked shot did all the damage. took it directly off my thumb and immediately knew it was broken but kept playing since no one was on site to confirm that. i couldn’t put my bottom hand on the stick, but i played on and eventually put one into the net. although netting the goal should not be my main focus now, it was definitely the saving grace of the game ending injury. i tend to downplay the pain hoping the injury isn’t as bad as it feels. two hospitals and four hours later, the hand specialist decided i can have a splint without immediate surgery. the night ended in a few disappointment, the length of time i’ll be out, and care and support that was present

day 1497 – dentist appointment 

i have always detested going to the dentist as a kid and i still do to this day. the constant rattling and ringing of the machine bothers my eardrums even well after i leave the office. even well after i leave the office. and at the end of sixty minutes, my dentist will tell me how many cavities i have. being calcium deficient means i can’t do much to avoid cavities