day 2154 – self journal

finalizing my self journal and ready to start this weekend. i hashed out my three top goals and carefully thought out the progression actions to reach them. for the next thirteen weeks, i’ll have to be extra diligent with my game plan and disciplined with my focus. it won’t be easy and it’s not meant to be, but i’m sure it’ll be worth it once it’s all said and done. this is just scratching the surface of rebuilding my empire. i have yet to decide on a reward for when i survive and achieve my goals

day 1695 – four eyed

a peek way back to the glasses photos – do i miss those days? the quick and short answer is no. the convenience of not having to looking for my glasses pack my contact is unreal. though i still need to go for periodic checkups, i’d say i’m doing quite well having regained most of my vision since going under the laser. proves that my decision to pay up the dough and go through the week long painful inconvenience is worth the benefits in the long run

day 1551 – atp basel 

in the wake of a heart breaking day that made me think the unsaid disappointment was the final deal breaker i’d allow for. i should really be getting more sleep during my recovery period, but waking up early for tennis is well worth it when it’s a federer match. he’s truly amazing to watch as he pulled through for an impressive eighth title at basel. i am also hoping to save up enough money soon enough to watch him play in person one day. i already missed out the opportunity to watch andy roddick live, i really don’t want to miss a second chance

day 1117 – juvenile delinquents

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day two of future camp poomsae and referee seminar held by taekwondo canada. i was busy on the floor rolling my leg until these two naughty kids jumped on me and started treating me like a wrestling dummy. i only found out yesterday that i will be taking the national referee exam today, meaning i read through sixty pages of the manual last night. stayed up way too late last night, but getting nationally certified was worth it

day 1101 – snatched

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pushing it hard at the gym this morning and not letting my cold get to me. after a long session, i came out looking like i was abused but it was all worth it because i was working on a lot and a lot of cleans. despite my throbbing headache, i am stoked since i had just done my first ever barbell snatch. although it is still very raw and still have a lot of mechanics to work on, it’s definitely a step in the right direction. i’ll stay persistent and keep working on it; it’s only a matter of time before it gets better and become second nature

day 1081 – taekwondo loaded

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after an eight hour shift of teaching was followed by a three hour long demo rehearsal. it’s final rehearsal for tomorrow’s walk with the dragon event. everything had to spotless before we could leave the dojo tonight as we wanted this to be a good show. i am tired but it’s a good kind of tired. it was stuffy inside, but a bubble tea delivery from a student made it a difference. all i want to do is go home, pass out and be up doing all over again in seven hours

day 981 – news worthy

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it’s a pleasant surprise our results made it onto the local newspaper. so proud of my students and their achievements. this justifies that all the time i invested in them while trying to train myself simultaneously was worth the stress. they all practiced very hard for this event and i’ve watched each and every one of them improve before my eyes. it’s a great reminder for myself as to why i love coaching and why i am still involved in taekwondo. i hope they continue to work hard so i can eventually coach them to the national stage during my time

day 958 – park job

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finding a parking spot along this busy street is hard, parking in one could also be very challenging. but with good coordination with adjacent car, anything is possible. you know it’s a special someone when what we did together didn’t matter and the length of meeting also didn’t matter; just having their presence made it worthwhile. it was that kind of night where being together and sharing the same space is all that mattered

my many doubts

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i have been troubled and drowning in my own thoughts which has me staying up late and thinking a lot lately. over the years, taekwondo has given me a lot to look forward to and a lot to be proud of, but that’s not to say it hasn’t given all sorts of pressure and stress. one could say competition has given me a sense of belonging, because it’s also where i found out that i too, could succeed. it’s taken my next to zero confidence and upping that to a level of being confident enough to step out on the mats alone and get things done. somehow, i feel competing is not what it used to be for me. i always felt the pressure leading up to each competition, but never have i felt it so intensely that i’ve become super stressed out and almost numb. is it a sign that i’m not doing it as a passion? is there such thing as a “martial arts block” like a “writer’s block”? sometimes i can’t differentiate if i am fulfilling my job to compete just because i’ve been doing so all along. i’m unsure whether it’s expected of me, or if it’s a self chosen decision. what makes this one different than the ones in the past that gives me so much more undue stress? a lot to be honest. first of all, i’m no longer under the coaches i’m used to, but directly under the watchful eyes of the grandmaster. second, my parents play a big factor. they seemingly have no expectations for my competition game because they have doubted me from the first day i took on taekwondo, but somehow still appears to have so much expectation. they never expected me to get anywhere close to blackbelt and even sought every opportunity to pry me away from the sport. the results at nationals really isn’t my focal point nor the reason i go to nationals. it wasn’t in the past, and this year’s isn’t any different. competing at such a high level is definitely a privilege i don’t take lightly. it’s an eye opener that’s all about the experience and through that i’ve gained so much more. i hope the grandmaster and others see it in the same light, but sometimes i am afraid of those who put a lot more weight in results and standings. i hate not living up to expectations and i hate letting people down; maybe i’ve done it way too much in the past. luckily, i am still able to find bright spots of supportive casts to put everything into perspective and make sure i keep going strong. they let me know that as long as i do everything within my powers and give it everything i got, i should have no regrets. so bottom line is – stop self doubting and stop second guessing, just get my shit together, work my ass off and let the rest play itself out

day 878 – vandusen fun

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a day removed from christmas but the festivities doesn’t stop. did most of my boxing day shopping online so needn’t fight with the crowds and potentially angry mobs. it was so nice to get out and finally check out vandusen garden festival of lights. the weather cooperated with us for the most part, can’t complain about the little drizzle and wet flurries.  i thought i was dressed well and prepared for the cold, but somehow my limbs still felt frozen. still had a great time, the freezing was worth it