day 2477 – revisiting tricks

it’s been a rough stretch full of frustration and tears because i really am not getting the touch down raiz and i worry i’ll never get it. it hurts me so much that even my most basic moves are falling apart. i have no choice but to switch it up and work on some of my old tricks. that meant tweaking my front tuck take off to protect my hyperextended knee so i can get my cart front. i also tried some websters but none felt right and the weeks of work i put into drilling it seems to have gone down the drain. the one positive i can take away is i can still try to connect my cartwheel back handspring which i haven’t worked on for weeks. i can’t help but feel defeated for all the things that i want aren’t working

day 1548 Рhand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me