day 1678 – gymery

although i’m not cleared for most activities i do, the surgeon has given me the okay to be here. my gear was ready, my bag was packed while i waited for his signal. it’s the first time in over two months i could legitimately be here in my happy place doing the happy things. a stupid setback happened due to my impatience and inability to stay away. i thought i was okay, i wanted to be okay, but later found out it was still premature

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day 1614 – bruised butt

meetings got shifted around so immediately had a long meeting once i got into the office. it was so busy at work; before i knew it, it was already 11am and i have yet to eat my go to breakfast of peanut butter toast. i didn’t do a good job starting the month of october skipping my first meal, but i vouch to do better with eating. the fall in hockey really hit hard as i chose not to sit down at work all day because it gave my buttocks a ton of grief. i went to the gym to do my lower body workout which i probably shouldn’t have, but at least i exercised caution to make sure it didn’t cause it to feel worse. it was a much lighter day than i would have liked

day 1609 – gym needs

headache at work got pretty bad again to the point where i didn’t seem useful and should just go home. but i stayed and kept thinking the tylenol will kick in soon enough. i was only looking forward to going to the gym, and stubborn enough even if i were to collapse during. i really wanted to since i haven’t made up for the missed monday and i wasn’t about to do another shuffle nor write off this week

day 1607 – ruined

nothing but disappointment missing my monday workout, missing dodgeball but that’s exactly what happened today. this forces me to rearrange this week’s workout schedule. i haven’t cramped this hard in a long time, but it was more than that which made it worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed. it was an unrestful night where i laid in bed for hours not being able to fall asleep and when i finally do, i get woken up several times in sweat. even in terrible condition, had no choice but to to go to work because i had stuff to hand over

day 1590 – beneath 

i didn’t have to come today but i didn’t know what to do with myself when my mind doesn’t stop going. struggles still pop up though all this time i denied i was hurt much deeper than the surface. here i am on a friday night trying to workout like i have nothing else better to do. i have to step back, take a deep breath and remind myself i didn’t do anything wrong

day 1589 – worked up

sorting out my feelings got me more down. such a downer i had no appetite despite being hungry, loss of words despite wanting to converse, no interest in working out despite it being my happy place. because a dear friend reminded me that i must treat myself well and do what makes me happy – that got me to the gym today. always reiterated and reminded that should i be undervalued, i have no obligations to be taken for granted. i made it to the gym today which made me happier, but not a good one when failing on my routine stuff

day 1582 – low light 

change of plans and headed straight home because the low blood sugar hit me this afternoon. required a short nap and woke up feeling so so but still set on a trip to nash anyway. did not expect a whole lot so but nothing bad happened so i’d say i passed. trying to brush off the disappointments one after another, but at the end of the day i need to learn i’m living for myself and doing what’s best for me. maybe it’s good to learn to expect everything from myself and expect nothing from others