day 1478 – buckle down

it’s inexcusable that so many times i lose my self discipline and stray off from what i need to be doing. there’s been a lot of pressure from different sources of life and i’m struggling trying to stand my ground. i didn’t sign up for this, maybe i was meant to be alone in the dark, forever. i’m so stressed out; it’s been disappointing the stress has so much impact on my willpower and the lack of it. there is no excuse to not have a better habit and stick with what i want

30 share it [seven]

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my onboarding gift from the company is secured in my seat. part of the perks of working in this office is there’s no shortage of food. when i say that, there’s anyways fruits, sweets and junk food to be offered even at the most random times. i don’t want to get fat. this will be a true test of my will power and discipline not to indulge on the abundance of food offerings

day 935 – start again

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my elbow is still up to no good and my thumb is also banged up. setbacks are bound to occur every now and then so i decided not to hang my head and start again today. sometimes things happen for a reason and through all that i will persevere and come out stronger each time. despite much of the day spent at taekwondo, gym is gym and that never stops no matter what condition my body is in

day 905 – my setup

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after the first round, i felt like i was going to die and making it out of the gym alive was questionable. i thought to myself that stopping after round one would be a huge letdown and wouldn’t be a good representation of what i am truly capable of. i kept chugging on one exercise to the next, hoping to at least finish with a respectable amount before i call it quits. i am truly amazed at what i accomplished today. not only did i finish all rounds of all exercises, but i am able to walk out of this gym feeling good about what i willed myself to do. i would say my first go of my modified workout went well. i’m totally okay with having sore legs and not being able to walk tomorrow

day 871 – lift a little

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soreness amassed from this week’s training and physio exercises shouldn’t stop me from my scheduled workout. i went to the gym as planned and was prepared to struggle mighty hard. as i had the weight on my back, i thought the bar felt extra heavy today. it was difficult, but somehow forced myself to finish it and walked off still intact. i was randomly thinking back on my squats this evening, and suddenly realized the weight i had mounted on my bar exceeded what i thought i had. i felt dumbfounded i hadn’t realized it at that time, but pleased that i had done it anyway. it goes to show that the mind likes to play number games and sometimes ignorance is a good test for the body

day 869 – by the litre

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i don’t drink much water or liquid in a day but i was up very late trying to down this bottle of litre water cause i said i would. so i fell off the track this week due to the uncertainties surrounding my finger which is ultimately the deciding factor for my next competition. i was very down and worried to say the least but only bottle up all those stresses and downplayed it as much as possible so not to let others worry. the past four days have been horrible; i spent much time being stressed and depressed, and couldn’t will myself to do anything. enough of being a pessimist, no matter what my physio says tomorrow, i am going to get myself back on track at being the best that i should be. don’t write me off until physio gives me the verdict. but even then, just because i don’t go to this competition, doesn’t mean i give up on my next competition

mental game

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bad habits always gets me. every time i feel like i am in exhaustion, i will stop short of completion and make myself believe enough is enough. i have just come to accept the fact that my mental game is not as strong as it needs to be, and that there’s nothing i can do to improve that aspect. this shortcoming is probably an explanation as to why my game has remained stagnant over the years, where i stop short and fail to take my game to the next level. and this only becomes a cyclical process where when i don’t perform well, i tend to hang my head but not focus on finding the underlying problems and dealing with it head on. just today i was reminded that my body is stronger than i think and when fatigue sets in, the mind is usually the first to give in. so when training in and out of the gym, or anywhere for that matter, it is as much training for my mentality as it is for my physicality. it is good that i get to work alongside some of the most motivational individuals because reality is i need constant reminder that i must stop at nothing until i push out the last rep of the last set. the kind of people that are never satisfied and always challenging me to be better and only then will i come to the realization that i can do things i thought i never could. these individuals keep me honest and lets me know that i ain’t going anywhere until i complete it cause anything below my maximum capability is unacceptable.  i think my recent knee ligament that made me forgo my november competition really caused the damage – in a good way. there’s been a recent spark in me that i want it more than ever before; that i am willing to work hard for what i want to achieve and i am going to tackle my weaknesses head on. i no longer want my game to remain the same. i have some ambitious goals to reach and it certainly wouldn’t reach itself. i am ready to take that next step in further enhancing my game, and i am determined to do whatever it takes. the power is in me and it is up to me to train it to work to live up to my fullest potential. i do believe it is in me

rebuild in motion

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i took a tumble recently, literally and figuratively, and really hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean i am allowed to stay down forever. thought long and hard and now it’s time to take action and do it for myself. sometimes all we need is a fresh start to revive and the best way to restart is to begin with a blank piece of paper. i took it upon myself that i would wipe off all the unnecessary and negative influences and only focus on the positives that would get me to where i want to go. clear my mind of clutter, always remember to stay humble and accept criticism as more reason to work harder and find my strong. as far as i am concerned, there only one thing standing between me and my goal, and that’s will. willing myself to be accepting to change, to be confident, to be disciplined and to be happy with who i am. there’s no other time to start but now and i don’t want another opportunity to slip away, because it’s now or never. it’s time to train harder for the things i want to achieve, eat smarter to give myself a boost and make the right choices to live better and healthier for my mind and body. the key is to be disiciplined and stay that way, and only then will i feel proud to be who i am. expectations are meant to be met, not lowered. it’s never easy, but i am about to take my first step

reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way

resolution series: [twentyeight] pity

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everyone has their own problems to deal with, some less complex than others. there’s no secret that i have been plagued with endless injuries throughout my life. i have given up on trying to hide that, because i have learned that patchwork only makes it go away on the superficial level. unfortunately that’s just temporary fix and will keep piling on to account for greater problems. i simply cannot live without the sports and activities which i play, for it is the passion of my life. it won’t be forever, but it is my choice to continue playing and practicing them for as long as i can manage. i do intend on doing everything i can within my powers to do my rehab and maintenance work. my main focus is on getting better and stronger every single day; always be a better version of myself. don’t question my will to strive for what i want just because you have it easier. don’t question my passion to always stay hungry and carry on even when nothing goes my way. don’t question how big my heart is when you don’t know how much pain i have endured. don’t question my toughness if you don’t know what i experienced because very few people have a clue how much work, time, energy and commitment i put into making all this possible. standing on my own two feet was never a given to me, but i learn to be grateful for all the times i can. sometimes i sit alone thinking to myself i don’t deserve to be dealing with all these mishaps and i certainly don’t deserve your bashing or judgement. i need not your pity nor your approval for what i have to go through as i result of what i do. i was given this life and these obstacles because i could handle it. i appreciate those who’s helped me out along the way, it’s meant the world to me. if you have nothing good to say, don’t speak