day 882 – sedentary

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not quite sure what i did to my calf, but one was hurting so much i could barely walk down the stairs. stayed home all day and barely had any activity, my fitbit probably thought i was dead. at last i couldn’t take it anymore and had to go out to the gym because i felt trapped and uninspired. since i wasn’t very mobile, the decision probably didn’t make sense to many, but it did for me. i felt both my brain and my body were rotting at home and needed the boost – surely it must be signs of gym withdrawal

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resolution series: [twentyeight] pity

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everyone has their own problems to deal with, some less complex than others. there’s no secret that i have been plagued with endless injuries throughout my life. i have given up on trying to hide that, because i have learned that patchwork only makes it go away on the superficial level. unfortunately that’s just temporary fix and will keep piling on to account for greater problems. i simply cannot live without the sports and activities which i play, for it is the passion of my life. it won’t be forever, but it is my choice to continue playing and practicing them for as long as i can manage. i do intend on doing everything i can within my powers to do my rehab and maintenance work. my main focus is on getting better and stronger every single day; always be a better version of myself. don’t question my will to strive for what i want just because you have it easier. don’t question my passion to always stay hungry and carry on even when nothing goes my way. don’t question how big my heart is when you don’t know how much pain i have endured. don’t question my toughness if you don’t know what i experienced because very few people have a clue how much work, time, energy and commitment i put into making all this possible. standing on my own two feet was never a given to me, but i learn to be grateful for all the times i can. sometimes i sit alone thinking to myself i don’t deserve to be dealing with all these mishaps and i certainly don’t deserve your bashing or judgement. i need not your pity nor your approval for what i have to go through as i result of what i do. i was given this life and these obstacles because i could handle it. i appreciate those who’s helped me out along the way, it’s meant the world to me. if you have nothing good to say, don’t speak

day 600 – pick me up

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there are so many uncertainties in my life and so many things i cannot control. so many questions floating in my head. i can’t be certain if i have chosen the path i want, if it’s even possible, if it’s worth it and most importantly – is my passion still there. i am very scared that the passion no longer exists and i am pursuing something where my heart is not at. i am lost in darkness and not sure where i am headed. and if it’s not, it will only make me more depressed than ever. where are all the answers to get me out of this funk?? on a completely different note, happy 600th day post