day 2494 – rocky times

the end of may has been a rather rocky stretch in a few aspects. i’m honestly not sure what to expect once june hits. the progress inside the garage gym has been really good many thanks to my lifting partner who encourages and spots me when necessary. i certainly hope it keeps going but i’m not sure if that’ll continue if he get busy. the tricking has been the sad part, because so many things have fallen apart this whole month. i don’t remember how to do a cartwheel and webster; it almost seems like i’m not in control of my own body. i need to be harsher on myself because i can’t keep letting it slide

day 2491 – square one

nothing to feel good about in tonight’s session. back tucks and front tucks were passable. everything about my webster is wrong so i’m back to square one. i left the gym feeling disappointed and extremely upset with myself. stayed up much later than i should’ve, clearly bothered and frustrated with how my webster had broken down and in general how incompetent i was. i was already on a bubble tea ban prior to this, but now i made up my mind that i’ll be indefinite until i can land my webster on the floor

day 2487 – lights out

wrapped up a long training session that was just shy of four hours. it was a gratifying session where most things i practiced felt pretty good and i broke past some small barriers. started off with some basic front tuck drills and loading my cartwheel. eventually was allowed to take it blue mat and had better take offs and higher landings. my back tucks felt strong leaving the ground and landing higher. my back handspring is at a point where i can do two warm-ups and take it to floor. definitely felt more comfortable connecting my cartwheel back handspring and need not to cover up the edge. the one thing i wasn’t too happy with was my webster because it still feels so broken

day 2477 – revisiting tricks

it’s been a rough stretch full of frustration and tears because i really am not getting the touch down raiz and i worry i’ll never get it. it hurts me so much that even my most basic moves are falling apart. i have no choice but to switch it up and work on some of my old tricks. that meant tweaking my front tuck take off to protect my hyperextended knee so i can get my cart front. i also tried some websters but none felt right and the weeks of work i put into drilling it seems to have gone down the drain. the one positive i can take away is i can still try to connect my cartwheel back handspring which i haven’t worked on for weeks. i can’t help but feel defeated for all the things that i want aren’t working

day 2438 – aerial breakthrough

sunday night private gym training was a strong and productive one. as usual, we started off with paddle kicking and footwork. then we developed a routine where we each took turns drilling the same one kick and one flip for five rounds before moving onto the next move. we did a couple sets of those before spending the last bit working through some of our freestyle form. i felt like my tricking aerial just came altogether today, my backside 9 also started coming back and i was able to combo those two together. i’m happy i started working on rapid 9’s which hopefully is soon to be cheat 9’s. i definitely deserved that alley bubble tea at the end

day 2417 – webster night

stayed for open gym after the killarney session. in the final half hour of open gym, i worked a lot on my failing websters. i received tips and pointers and eventually found something that seemed to work for me. i did a bunch at the end to make sure i wouldn’t forget the tips and tweaks that made it work for me. it seems to be heading in the right direction and i’m told it’s close with the better landings on blue mat. i wonder when it’d be time to land one on floor, i don’t have much more patience left working on this

day 2415 – phone spam

waited well after class until all other classes and students dissipated so we could have some space and equipment to work with. during the wait, we had fun trying out the vlogger life by spamming photos and videos on someone’s unattended phone. sadly neither my back tuck nor any of my kicks felt good today. i did get a chance at the very end to work on my webster and aerial takeoff. i’m still ashamed i don’t get it and i can’t tell if i’m making progress with it

day 2411 – discouragements

sometimes i may show nothing on the surface, but deep inside i’m just discouraged and hurt. i couldn’t contain myself when i got home at night because it’s hard to accept i still have yet to get my webster and flash despite all the time and energy spent on it since november. it’s hard to swallow that everyone is improving so much quicker and here i am still working on the same thing time after time, still being told to be patient when i can no longer be patient. sometimes i wonder why i’m still going in to work on it when nothing is going to change. i don’t want to be the hard worker that gets nothing done

day 2406 – back flip story

training after class as usual and then coach tempted me with an impromptu back flip on hard surface. i didn’t think twice before agreeing to throw one to go on his story. back flips hasn’t been my focus the recent months so i was surprised this one was better than all the ones i threw on my europe trip. i really would like to throw more of them on hard surfaces, on command. i also wish i could level up on new tricks which is why i’ve been working so hard on flash, webster and raiz

day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore