day 2242 – toppled over

i felt exactly like the cupcake today – toppled over and dysfunctional. i was hoping to go to open gym tonight because i had the day off tomorrow, but i was in no shape or form to do so. during parts of the day, i took some tylenol to alleviate whatever was making me feel sick and pukey. even took a lengthy nap expecting to wake up with some improvement. it’s definitely a write off kind of day

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day 2196 – cephalexin

i’m hit by the side effects of the prescribed drugs. my cognitive skills are compromised and it’s certainly making me feel weak, fatigued and slightly drowsy. also signs of dizziness and nausea kicked in first thing in the morning. part of me thinks that the dosage of four pills per day is too high, but who am i to judge. i just have to worry about finishing what’s in the bottle unlike last time

day 2189 – fainty

been a while since i had it so bad. so bad that i left work early and took a nap in my car before i knew i was in condition to be behind the wheel. the fact that i nearly fainted was the reason i skipped out on flipping today and headed home. i was pretty sad but it left me with no choice but to crawl into bed. i hope to feel better tomorrow because i still got work to do, workout to crush and softball to play

day 2114 – on the minute

so apparently there’s an apex pre-vacation special that no one’s told me about. anyone wishing to go on vacation would have to get through special grueling workouts leading up to it. today i experienced it with twenty on the minute snatches, a hundred kettle bell squats, then finish off with pullups and leg levers. i was already weak and achy after being bed ridden, but i thoroughly couldn’t feel my body by the end of the session. my body aches in so many ways i do not expect to move well tomorrow. i guess i have to earn my vacation

day 1711 – dampened


not much happened today, both at work and at home. felt sick with a stomachache so didn’t get to watch movie as planned. i was too weak so i took a nap, woke up when my parents came home with some takeout for me, then napped a bit more. i hope this case goes away by tomorrow because i have taekwondo and two hockey games lined up and would t be able to take on that much if i was still feeling weak and ill

day 1556 – proceed with caution

first time back in the gym after a crushing injury that left me splinted. i still have a splint on but i couldn’t wait any longer to get back into the gym even if it meant i was just in the environment. during the almost four weeks i’ve lost five pounds which is good but bad. was cautioned to keep it real light and that’s what i did cause i couldn’t actually manage much. i should be prepared that it’ll be a long road back; there’s a lot of rehab and training days ahead of me. i’m happy just being able to step foot in the gym again because it’s really the place i want to be in once i can be

silencing

the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to  how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward