day 1555 – victim 

i had a lot of trouble sleeping tonight. what makes me such a good victim for people to hurt and take advantage of. i guess my feelings can be swept aside, guess promises can be broken, guess what i like or don’t like doesn’t matter anyways. at first i didn’t think i was fat but being repeatedly called that makes me believe i am indeed fat and repeatedly makes me skip meals. even after long days i force myself through the fatigue to come here simply cause i can’t eat unless i exercise. today is one of those days where i’m feeling completely burned out from a fifty eight hour work week but still dragged myself to workout because my dinner is not yet earned

day 571 – victimized

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i was the chosen one to partner with someone for their self defense portion of their first and second dan blackbelt test and it was no fun at all. at the end of the night, i have breakfallen, rolled and been thrown over forty times and even sidekicked in the chest. never before have i fallen that many times in a day, i feel like all my internal organs have been rearranged in every possible way. it was a long and tiring day, teaching by the morning and blackbelt test by night. it’s not whether my back and neck will be sore tomorrow, it’s how sore