day 2366 – what work

work really feels like a drag in the recent days. i have an overflowing amount of tasks and deadlines but none of it is giving me much excitement or motivation. maybe it has to do with the lack of appreciation for what i do as well as the amount of additional tasks i’m assigned to that’s unrelated to my job description. thank goodness it’s finally friday so i won’t have to be in this office the next two days. i looked forward to the week’s end even though i have to work on saturday anyway

day 1673 – grunt session 

img_20200130_2314515776652021738369716.jpgneeded some grunting moments as a source of outlet prior to having my taekwondo meeting with grandmaster. i really needed to unleash all that anger with endorphins emitting activities and iron was just the thing. the frustration of being continuously bombarded with phone calls and messages up to the hour of the meeting. didn’t kick up any of his calls because i didn’t want to be distracted by unrelated work matters. needless to say i was so distracted and deflated to the point where i didn’t want to hit the gym, but i’m glad i did it on a day where i felt so unmotivated

day 1297 – where is it

img_20200204_1634398095597725676931528.jpgnot pleased that i just can’t find the determination i had when i was on top of my game. i’ve slipped far down and reality check startled me and no confidence took a big hit. i miss those days when i stayed focus on what i wanted. the hardest part is finding it and running with it. things will have to be different from here on because i can no longer tolerate my own lapse

day 1290 – sums it up 

img_20200204_1645103607923190716567328.jpgthis pretty much sums up how i’m feeling about myself and my life lately. i can’t seem to get my stuff together and time after after i disappoint myself. got to the lowest point in a quite some time and i am in disbelief when i found out. i definitely feel undeserving of some basic privileges. the long weekend comes timely because i can take this time to regroup and find something new. i better get it together in a hurry or else it might turn out to be self harming

day 1287 – emotional eating

img_20200204_1658298040987941375280696.jpgcould barely keep my eyes open this morning but i still felt okay during the day. i had all the intention to go training tonight but everything kind of fell apart when evening hit. i went way off track i couldn’t get myself to go to training. instead, i turned for home where emotional eating happened. disappointment loomed over me and i feel so utterly disgusted at myself for being useless. i just want to pull a blanket over my head or better yet bury myself in a hole