day 2373 – rutted

i’ve had far too many nose blows the past few months. the amount of times i stay awake being sad and discouraged far exceeds the times i not. i’m so tired of it; the feeling of quitting happens every other day. i’m not okay being neglected, left alone to fail and self destruct while some get the full on instructions. it hurts me that i show up to classes and open gyms ready to learn, ready to land my next move, but i’m clearly not their priority because they’ve got their ‘pokemon’ to train. i don’t deserve this and it hurts me so much inside more than words can explain

day 2071 – 3d prints

work lately has been a total drag, i don’t look forward to going into the office at all. many mornings i hear the sound of my alarm and have no urgency to get up for work. i think the change in my scope of work and responsibility no longer makes me interested and satisfied. helping test out the 3d printer today was a way to pull me out of the boring tasks i’m currently working on

day 1796 Рoh canada 

img_20200130_2217128590155432317885505.jpga different canada day unlike any previous years where i had to host a taekwondo competition. this is the most laid back canada day i can remember, spent it helping my parents with some cleaning up and recycling old junk. the nagging headaches is really not going away, and making me feel uninterested even in my most favourite things. the long weekend continues with a nice dinner out at kishimoto before checking out a free concert. even though it was rainy and slightly cold, the swanguard stadium festivities and fireworks turned out well

day 762 – self destructive

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monday blues definitely hit me really hard. woke up with a headache and feeling crappy overall, not wanting to get out of bed, unable to be productive and not knowing what to do with myself. the gloomy wetness outside only makes matter worse and all i want to do is sit around and do nothing. do nothing it was, and i got a starbucks that i don’t deserve one bit. but later in the afternoon, i willed myself to get some stuff done instead of being a completely useless human being