day 1663 – unravel

not the typical day i thought it would be at work. i thought i would go about my own business and keep my composure just as i’ve always done, but i unraveled in a hurry. i refused to bring my personal life to work and need not to explain the battles i fight. i was in pure frustration to hear people who have no idea what i’m going through make ignorant assumptions and go as far as using ‘abusing rights’. i never want to unload any of my problems to anyone cause i believed i’m tough enough to shoulder my own burden. clearly i haven’t said enough; hr and manager are asking to be let in on things i bottled up for much too long. they want to be my outlet and they want me to know i can let them in

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day 1635 – shrinking fast

i was so curious to see what was going on underneath the tensor band and fiberglass. the doctor at checkup reminded me to be a good patient; clearly, he had a good reason to remind me. thinking it’s okay to unwrap it for a couple hours while i’m working from home. it’s unhealthy skin tone with wrinkly dead skin was an unpleasant sight. after not using it for over just two weeks, my left wrist is shrinking big time. i am very worried that after my six weeks is up, there will be nothing left in my arm and i won’t have any muscles left

day 1598 – free check

one thing i like doing when strolling is using free health check machines at drugstores. i’m pretty sure it’s put there for seniors to keep tab on blood pressure, but i’m a health conscious and self conscious person. in the past i’ve gone down to nineties over fifties which gave my kineisiologist a scare. the numbers are still low but at least it’s triple digit systolic number and inching closer to optimal range

day 1558 – me menu

called everything off and put myself and only myself on today’s menu cause i need time alone to set my priorities straight. absolutely no work related tasks today – no work for the first time in sixteen days. i was going down the wrong path of cramming work in to avoid idle time which in turn has even more negative effect on my mental health. can’t say i’m not a workaholic but then realized i was more burnt out than ever. so first time sleeping in until eight, helped my parents moved furniture, went for a workout and cleaned my room. that is not to say i don’t see the relationship struggles, but we’ll both be working on it together. i do feel better thinking i’ve reset my priorities and reorganized my life for the upcoming week

day 1456 – lingering effects

slowly getting back to normally but there’s lingering effects both physically and mentally. somehow i am still hesitant and scared to eat regular food, or maybe i’m just worried i’ll get fat again. i’m hollow and empty inside, but i persuade myself i can wait it out. it’s one of those things i’d rather endure than being hurt and be scarred time after time. it affects me more than i’d ever want to talk about it 

day 1454 – toastingĀ 

i can tell you such restricting diet sucks when all i really wanted today was a chocolate chip cookie. it’s times like this when i crave all the bad stuff that i consistently pry myself from anyways. i’ve had enough plain bread and blandness the past week. my first trial run of first real food was an egg and my treat of the day was pint sized chicken udon for dinner. people have been telling me i shrunk, and my face is noticeably paler, skinnier and look borderline unhealthy 

day 1306 – exec socialĀ 

a vdl event that gathers execs so those who don’t do league ops nor play every night gets a chance to hangout. i am usually unable to make it out to these events, but i had a gap before working at blackbelt test. taking over most of steamworks eating and socializing while getting good laughs playing board games. the company was good but the food was horrible; i ended up eating my first hotdog since korean festival two summers ago. a laid back afternoon that momentarily got my mind off taekwondo where i was low key stressing out for my competition