everybody’s walk of life is a little different, this is my night time walk. i’ll find my way that leads to the path that my heart desires. it’s been a day of a weird long weekend full of unexpected circumstances and sudden turn of events. one that gave me a lot of realizations and held a lot of hard truths. although it was a laid back day, i am still very tired and could use the extra rest. i’ll give my body a break since i am too sore to benefit from exercising
lack of mobile service from all of yesterday has got me really frustrated. must have been a glitch with the new system updates. so instead of going to my saturday session, spent all of this morning backing up my phone, doing a factory reset and then setting up all my applications and preferences all over again. this had better fix the problem or else i’d be even more frustrated. living proof that i cannot live without my phone or other gadgets the twenty first century has to offer
sneaking in a stroll in between the rain and sitting upon the rocks on the lookout at the thick clouds that hover over the mountain. weird couple months of extremities for vancity, first suffering from a drought and depleting reservoir, then floods, fallen trees and power outages from rainstorms and even snow on the mountain. is this the year the vancouver is due for a decent ski season??
with the completion of an ultra long blackbelt test, i went home and passed out from pure exhaustion. even after it’s all said and done, i hadn’t really recognized what i had just gone through. it certainly took a few days not only for my body to recover, but also for my mind to digest what i just really accomplished. when i first took up this sport, i only thought of it as a short term activity with little or next to no goals. it’s funny when i began this journey, everyone questioned why i chose this martial art because my legs were already so beaten as it is. being my stubborn self, i did it to prove to those who said i couldn’t do it because my body won’t manage. thinking back, i do feel ashamed that i didn’t have much commitment from the beginning and set a very low goal going in; but a few unexpected circumstances and many small things propelled me to this point. little did i expect to still be practicing taekwondo so many years after and be going for my third dan today. what i also didn’t expect was to be an integral piece of the puzzle, in instructing, coaching and competing; and competing at a level that requires traveling across canada and even out of the country. through competitions, i have turned some heads, gained some respect and earned some recognition both provincially and internationally. i give my instructors a ton of credit for giving me that extra push and getting me to where i am now. i can comfortably sit back today and realize what i had just accomplished is far beyond what i, myself, and the entire population thought i could attain; something that many may never achieve. i know there comes a time when i must hang it up, but that time is not now. i still have some competitions and accomplishments ahead of me, i don’t want to call it quits and not use my skills to its fullest potential
after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision
how i wish i could be walking down this path on a nice evening like tonight. but was given instructions to stay out any activities for next few days. when physio says to rest, it must be severe because he knows how much moving around and continuing my activities means to me. needless to say, i will not be able to hit the tennis courts or the gym until the weekend or beyond
one day it feels fine and next day its completely opposite. this time attending to my left leg that somehow messed up without my awareness. there’s been unwanted scraping and clicking sounds when doing certain movements which has got me worried. both kneecaps taking turns breaking down constantly challenges my physical and mental aptitude. i don’t know what i have ever done to them but i know my knees hate me for life