day 2170 – road less taken

the tears that rolled uncontrollably down my face was a direct reflection of how i felt inside. as much as i wanted to stop myself in front of people, i simply couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. so much stress has built up around work, taekwondo, people and health that my emotional and physical state are torn inside and outside. all my life i feel i’ve been cheated because i never had the privilege of having the health most people enjoy. still, i push through and train through all my injuries, overcoming one after another. this time is no different, but four months is too long to go through without having a proper diagnosis and method of treatment. no doubt i’m feeling frustrated from the hopelessness

day 2043 – dodgeball rolling

first week of the dodgeball season for me and not a very good start at all. i landed on the ball and immediately knew that shit just happened. now i have no good ankle to stand or walk on. the first thought that went through my head was how much pain i was in, but rather how i could get back cause i have flips to do and hockey games to play. to look at it postuvely, it’s still early in the dodgeball season so i’ll be able to get back

day 1530 – one for mom

celebrated mom’s birthday before parents head to the airport for yet another trip to hong kong. in front of them, i act like there’s no pain and everything is okay even though deep down it’s a completely different story. upon seeing them off, i closed the front door and tears immediately began to roll down my eyes. i couldn’t stop the down pour; the only way to dull my heart break way was to lay in bed. it hurts in every way and hard to accept that my life has changed drastically. i’m tired from all this i don’t know how i will handle this change to being practically disabled

day 1425 – waterworks

when was the last time i smiled from the heart?? please take me back in time and erase the nightmare i’ve been trapped in. there’s just no smiling today; not even the fakest. the only thing i did was cry as it continuously and uncontrollably roll down. my eyes were like waterfall no matter how hard i tried not to think. my eyes are tired, my mind is tired and so is my heart. the uncertainties of what i should do is far from over. i can’t imagine going to work tomorrow and anything acting like myself

day 1154 – hold off

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i feel like i’ve lost control of what i can control. i can’t hide the disappointment that hit me when physio told me to stop and rest for a week. he rarely does that to me and usually lets me play within my limits, so when he does, i know it’s severe. that means skipping games, gym, trainings…does it also mean skip my competition?? how long i manage to stay away remains to be seen. overwhelming day with that news, school and more life questions

day 563 – vday decadence

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it was a moxies kind of night. it was also a night i bandwagoned the whole eating protocol and got myself some baby bbq ribs. i figured pairing it with some kale would convince myself it contains a portion of healthy choices, that was until we received a free white chocolate ice cream brownie. been sort of letting it slip today after i was bummed out from some news regarding my competition obligations and left so bogged down i even skipped gym

day 557 – lazy days

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continuing with my restful recovery week and lazy days turned out to be not so lazy afterall. the entire week has been very uneventful and least flattering, being stuck at home and unavailable for any physical activities made me feel beyond useless. i felt less dizzy today so decided to go to the gym and if i get through that without lasting ill-effects, i am heading up the mountain tomorrow

day 472 – bruise lots

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feels like i am bruising by the minute and i just can’t stop it from accumulating. this is just a portion of the eleven bruises on my legs, there’s also several on my arms and back. i must have done something sometime when i clearly had no awareness. also banged up my wrist big time it’s completely out of commission to hold or do anything. better fix some of this soon or will be a shocker when my parents return

day 467 – house party

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glimpse of what i remember from last night before i lost all recollection of events that took place after. there was a large lineup of booze that had us gaming and drinking well into the morning and only passed out after the sun rose. it was a good night and good bonding time before we started losing ourselves. an epic night full of crazy things and lots of uncalled for events that we probably will never know about. waking up next day could hold many surprises, good and bad. haven’t drank so much in a night for quite a long time, i have not become an alcoholic. couldn’t have asked for a better time, taking advantage of the personal space and house all to myself while family is away