day 1853 – back to flight

trust me i was feeling butterflies even in my veins straggling into the gym not knowing how my body will handle all the movements i’m about to do. aside from a few pieces of new equipment, everything about the place remained the same. i didn’t accomplish a whole lot, but getting through the class was an accomplishment within itself. i felt pleased that i had the guts to go head over heels on my first day back. i’ll take what i’m given for as long as my body takes to settle in. didn’t want to push it too hard and just want to be back tricking and flipping. i know that everything will start to click with time and repetition, but in the mean time it’s just putting in the work. work hard for what i want, but stay patient enough for what i’ve always wanted

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day 1824 – current status

icing and heating both my shoulder and elbow while maintaining movement is the story of the day. i really didn’t know what to do and what to think of it because i hadn’t done any tests, scans or rays. i refused to go to emergency even though dozens urged me to do so. i had no mood to do anything knowing sports is off limits right now. so i just stayed at home in the heat and sweated my sorrows away

day 1820 – hard questions


once in a while some questions come up i either don’t know how to answer, shouldn’t answer or don’t want to answer. noticeable that i’ve pulled myself out of involvements in the world of taekwondo. i no longer teach or attend poomsae trainings, took break from competitions, skip demos, and avoided going to main school. all i do is run my branch school and keep making improvements. now when asked if i’ll resume my commitments and return to the competition floor, it’s really hard to say if i still have it in me and i have the heart to make a comeback

day 1558 – polar


the start of november has seen some cold days, so cold it’s already reached below zero temperature. the sunshine makes me want to walk outside, but the cold went deep through the skin and into the bone within a minute. i haven’t put away my summer clothes yet and already miss the summer days. daylight savings ending makes it darker and colder earlier. deep inside my heart feels as cold as the air outside; i only wish there’s a fix to what’s wounded inside

day 1537 – air

perhaps i might be better off if i never even bothered waking up and getting out of bed after an uneasy night. i did a lot of thinking and reflecting in the past waking hours of why i have to suffer through what doesn’t even treat me right. so many questions in my head left unquestioned notably how i’m going to continue onward. realizing this is the time to figure out what everything means to me and what i’m worth to others. went through the day with no emotions and a big void inside. surprisingly didn’t even see a drop of tear; maybe my tears went dry, or maybe i learn to block out feelings as if i had none

day 1425 – waterworks

when was the last time i smiled from the heart?? please take me back in time and erase the nightmare i’ve been trapped in. there’s just no smiling today; not even the fakest. the only thing i did was cry as it continuously and uncontrollably roll down. my eyes were like waterfall no matter how hard i tried not to think. my eyes are tired, my mind is tired and so is my heart. the uncertainties of what i should do is far from over. i can’t imagine going to work tomorrow and anything acting like myself

day 1050 – phlegmatic

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keeping my cool and my emotions in check is never easy, but it’s something i ask of myself. there are days like this when i am unsure about everything including the purpose of my existence. it’s a dull day sitting in silence thinking of my imperfections, and then i would get mad at myself for the imperfections that i have. i would question and question time over time, but would have no answers to any of them. i just want to be better, but i can’t. i feel like a strange child that’s not comfortable with myself