day 2331 – no headway

i carried around a heavy heart today because i’m not sure what my tricking future holds. today is technically the last class day of classes and i haven’t made any headway. i couldn’t say anything while i was with the gang, but i broke the moment i got home. for the first time, i spilled what my mind and body has been intending to do. it made me think back on all that’s happened and all that didn’t. it hurts me so much that it may have come to an end. all i could do is cry myself to sleep

day 2320 – low life

sleepless on a sunday night does not bode well for monday morning. i needed a coffee first thing when i got into work. i couldn’t help but stay awake thinking and overthinking of all the things i may have to give up. i can’t stop myself from crying thinking my life as an athlete could come to an abrupt end. i hadn’t done all that i wanted to accomplish and i clearly hadn’t expected it to approach so soon. i can’t stand to open up and tell many of my injury status so keeping it to myself was my next best option

day 2313 – cafe artisans

long talks and coffee kind of day on a cold sunday december afternoon. i can’t believe it’s already the start of december. i just couldn’t wait to turn the page past a horrendous november and move forward to a better december and an even brighter 2020 year ahead. by the time holiday rolls around, i hope to put the finger woes behind me and figure out much of the uncertainties surrounding my ankle

day 2290 – google toy

the first of five package to arrive is my newest google toy. during my recovery phase, i’ve got nothing better to do but to invest in online shopping. i’ve already missed my original targeted date in returning. the recovery progress is slowed and sometimes nonexistent. i’ve received four or five different diagnosis without a verdict. i can’t lie, but i’ve started to lose hope that even after resuming my activities, i will not do things nearly as good. part of me wonders if my ride is over and i’ll have to give up certain things that i really like

day 1853 – back to flight

trust me i was feeling butterflies even in my veins straggling into the gym not knowing how my body will handle all the movements i’m about to do. aside from a few pieces of new equipment, everything about the place remained the same. i didn’t accomplish a whole lot, but getting through the class was an accomplishment within itself. i felt pleased that i had the guts to go head over heels on my first day back. i’ll take what i’m given for as long as my body takes to settle in. didn’t want to push it too hard and just want to be back tricking and flipping. i know that everything will start to click with time and repetition, but in the mean time it’s just putting in the work. work hard for what i want, but stay patient enough for what i’ve always wanted

day 1824 – current status

icing and heating both my shoulder and elbow while maintaining movement is the story of the day. i really didn’t know what to do and what to think of it because i hadn’t done any tests, scans or rays. i refused to go to emergency even though dozens urged me to do so. i had no mood to do anything knowing sports is off limits right now. so i just stayed at home in the heat and sweated my sorrows away

day 1820 – hard questions


once in a while some questions come up i either don’t know how to answer, shouldn’t answer or don’t want to answer. noticeable that i’ve pulled myself out of involvements in the world of taekwondo. i no longer teach or attend poomsae trainings, took break from competitions, skip demos, and avoided going to main school. all i do is run my branch school and keep making improvements. now when asked if i’ll resume my commitments and return to the competition floor, it’s really hard to say if i still have it in me and i have the heart to make a comeback