day 1820 – hard questions


once in a while some questions come up i either don’t know how to answer, shouldn’t answer or don’t want to answer. noticeable that i’ve pulled myself out of involvements in the world of taekwondo. i no longer teach or attend poomsae trainings, took break from competitions, skip demos, and avoided going to main school. all i do is run my branch school and keep making improvements. now when asked if i’ll resume my commitments and return to the competition floor, it’s really hard to say if i still have it in me and i have the heart to make a comeback

reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way

resolution series: [twentysix] no control

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in the teens, very rarely if ever, have we had to worry about what happens beyond the current year. but once the twenties hits, everything starts to change and our minds start spinning faster than ever. so many questions begin to pop up, yet we seem to have no answer or solution to any of them. at this point in life there are so many uncertainties as to what one’s future holds. even though there may be ideas of where our interest lies and what our strengths and weaknesses are, but still tons of undetermined factors that has everything to do with our career paths and relationship statuses. being a person that loves to plan for schedules and have structured timelines, i strive to have concrete ideas and solid plans of what i will be doing and where i will be headed. i dislike ambiguity so i need to do my share of planning, so everything seems clearer than clear. to be honest, it really bugs me not knowing what the my future holds but there seems to be very little i can do about it at this point in time. sometimes i feel like i am a control freak on my own life, and i am slowly but surely learning to ease off and enjoy the moment at hand. i will just have to take it one step at a time and and wait for each step and each stage of life to unfold in front of me