day 839 – not right

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i had a great weekend, only up to the moment i realize i had disobeyed all that i said i would do. i am fighting myself and feeling torn inside because i walked in with a number in mind but went well beyond that limit, i don’t know how it got so out of hand. it’s only finally hitting me hard today, the wheels have really fallen off and i don’t even know where to begin to pick myself up. what a heart felt disappointment when i have regretfully misused the trust others had in me. i failed others and most importantly i have failed myself. need to learn that discipline is choosing between what i want now and what i want most. perhaps i must be stricter and harder on myself and start my climb from the bottom again. i guess i deserved to have both my pinkies sprained during practice

resolution series: [twentyone] believe

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trust your heart and go with your instincts, it usually doesn’t lie. until you do what your heart desires, you will not live life to its fullest potential. belief is an important thing to develop because if you do not believe in yourself, who do you expect to believe in you?? i always followed the saying “if you believe in what you are doing, don’t let anyone stop you.” even if it means the rest of the world is against what you are about to do. that is precisely what i have been doing for many years and counting. even when everyone bade me to stop all that i do, i still do it because my heart wanted to and it felt that i could handle it. i was not prepared to give up tennis, taekwondo, dodgdeball, basketball for knitting or orgami. that isn’t my style and wouldn’t give me the satisfaction in life worth striving for. as a result each and every time i go out to compete, i go out with intent thinking of everything i have to prove. confidence has always been a weak spot because i don’t like spotlight. over the years, slowly but surely i am learning that it’s okay to make mistake cause i am not superman. just remember to trust my stuff, just go out there and give it my all. regardless of the outcome, i did the best i could. if there’s a will, there’s a way