day 889 – not a chance

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this went out the door as fast as it came into my mailbox. in the past i would’ve left it on the counter waiting for someone else to claim it. today i threw it right out with no hesitation cause i want no part of this overpriced junk. i am confident to say turning down fastfood is something i would do in a heartbeat. making healthy choices simply because i want a well maintained system that won’t break down prematurely

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reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way

resolution series: [nine] honesty

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being true to yourself means not cheating yourself because in the end you will realize you are only cheating yourself. there are no shortcuts in life because if it’s something worth achieving in life, it’s worth working for. the truth is often not easy to accept and sometimes it hurts deep down, but hurting is a good thing because it shows that it matters to you. i have fallen in that trap far too many times in the past and only recently have i realized how much wake up calls mean to me. i want to get better in this aspect because it is the only way to have continuous self improvements to be the best i can be. i find it far too easy for me to fall off track, but i am glad there’s people around me who stays honest with me and gives me the hard truth when i least expect it. i would be the first person to admit i am very stubborn and when i have a certain negative thought, it doesn’t wash away easily. i tend to let little slippages that slide away drag me down with it. it’s hard being a perfectionist because i have certain standards for myself and tend to put more stress and pressure on myself than need be. i will dwell on the mistakes and let them haunt me even if it is something very minor, but i suppose that’s not entirely a bad thing. if it is something that matters to me, i will not let that slip and only go out there to prove them wrong