day 2523 – nothingness

i had a super frustrating training session at tricking and left the gym crying. i’ve been going at cart fronts and btwists for some time but there’s next to no progress to show for. the coach would point out that i’m doing things wrong, but no matter what i do, i can’t seem to do what the coach is telling me do so he’s also given up on me. as much as i want to slow down and work on the technique, i don’t know how it feels like to be right. i feel so hopeless that part of me thinks i should give up on it because i’ll never get it. i’m told to take a break and work on something else, but that’s happened for all my moves, and as it stands i’ve accomplished nothing

day 2516 – zoom meeting

i was just happy to be back training and almost forgot about my taekwondo zoom meeting in the evening. deadlifts in the morning garage session felt heavy, but one eighty five still felt minimally manageable. my knee is still in a great discomfort so being able to do any movement is already a win. i wonder if there’s still hope of making my two plate one rep max goal next week to salvage a completely disappointing june. i had to be very cautious with how my body felt at tricking, but being able to do any made me feel better and i have no regrets

day 2504 – after class fronts

this week covers one of the move i really want – cart front. i was tired from the heavy squats earlier in the morning, but i really wanted to keep practicing after class. the coach came up to watch, but was displeased with what he saw and how i was drilling it. i felt bad because i let him down; he had every right to be angry. he grilled me until i could do it with the proper technique he wanted and sometimes being pushed hard is what makes me dig deeper. i really do appreciate that he spent time after hours helping me out with a move i really wanted. he’s also the one that doesn’t give a crap about my self confidence. i know i can handle it, but it’s also demoralizing

day 2498 – open gym flash

still going strong attending classes and hitting up open gyms. i’ve learned that adopting to train everyday, but train at seventy percent may be better than going ham every other day. despite doms hitting hard after a heavy squat day the day before, i had a pretty strong session. i wasn’t expecting to do any power moves, but i was in for a surprised with both my flash kick and x-out. i took the x-out to the floor after two warm ups and it looked better than the ones last summer when i drilled them the entire session. my flash kick is starting to click for some reason; i wish i could take it to floor as well but i know i need to be held back to have a better margin of error before i do so. i have no doubt it will come in time

day 2491 – square one

nothing to feel good about in tonight’s session. back tucks and front tucks were passable. everything about my webster is wrong so i’m back to square one. i left the gym feeling disappointed and extremely upset with myself. stayed up much later than i should’ve, clearly bothered and frustrated with how my webster had broken down and in general how incompetent i was. i was already on a bubble tea ban prior to this, but now i made up my mind that i’ll be indefinite until i can land my webster on the floor

day 2487 – lights out

wrapped up a long training session that was just shy of four hours. it was a gratifying session where most things i practiced felt pretty good and i broke past some small barriers. started off with some basic front tuck drills and loading my cartwheel. eventually was allowed to take it blue mat and had better take offs and higher landings. my back tucks felt strong leaving the ground and landing higher. my back handspring is at a point where i can do two warm-ups and take it to floor. definitely felt more comfortable connecting my cartwheel back handspring and need not to cover up the edge. the one thing i wasn’t too happy with was my webster because it still feels so broken

day 2477 – revisiting tricks

it’s been a rough stretch full of frustration and tears because i really am not getting the touch down raiz and i worry i’ll never get it. it hurts me so much that even my most basic moves are falling apart. i have no choice but to switch it up and work on some of my old tricks. that meant tweaking my front tuck take off to protect my hyperextended knee so i can get my cart front. i also tried some websters but none felt right and the weeks of work i put into drilling it seems to have gone down the drain. the one positive i can take away is i can still try to connect my cartwheel back handspring which i haven’t worked on for weeks. i can’t help but feel defeated for all the things that i want aren’t working

day 2474 – diy squat rack

did the runs but skipped the lifting portion and made it a squat rack building day. the whole process was smooth sailing and we only had two minor hiccups. both sides of the vertical posts turned out perfectly leveled and almost identical so it should be very fun here on. the whole construction took less than two hours, but we stuck around to monitor the water level in the drying concrete

day 2460 – ghetto lift

we couldn’t sprint on the fields with the rain coming down, so we opted to do our first group lifting session in my ghetto garage gym. i only had fifty seven kilos to work with; i feel bad that it’s not enough for the guys to get what they need. i guess it’s enough for their first day back on lifting. we did some deadlifts, overhead press, rows, curls and even back squats with ghetto human rack. i’m going to be sore from all the curls i’ve missed in last decade or more

day 2459 – combo-ing

getting back into some combo work because it was about time to test out my knee on some aerials. worked on two different combos and was surprised i was able to get them out. i’m going be more strategic about practicing combo variations. really grateful that the coach stayed extra late getting me to drill the touchdown raiz. he pushed me and drilled me hard and i was exhausted, but it’s necessary and i find i need the pressure. if not for that, i would take way too long overthinking everything