day 1645 Рspot the difference 

i feel like i’m playing spot the difference every time i compare the new rendering with the old. there’s a huge shift in my work these days and i find i no longer spend much time at my own workstation. all morning long, i’ve been running around checking in at people’s desk, touched neither my breakfast toast nor morning fruits until around half past eleven. it was an uber stressful morning dealing with a fully loaded plate. i’ve been assigned so much more responsibilities colleagues jokingly said i now also carry the title as design manager assistant. i’m overtly tired after tutoring i opted out of gym and went home for some grub

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day 1507 – working slave


this fifty nine hour work week makes me i more like a working slave. i was pressured into taking an extra teaching shift that i was reluctant to take. i didn’t want to work a thirteen hour breakless shift on a friday but that’s what it came to be. sifu made me very uncomfortable with all the things he’s forcing upon me; he expects me to take the roles of school poomsae coach and the team bc poomsae coach which comes with added certifications i must first complete. thinking of the increased regular training and time commitment stresses me out, as if i don’t have enough on my plate already

day 1436 Рneighborliness 

judging by the work i have to deal with today, work neighbor tried to lift my sugar level and spirit with some cocoa. even with the day that i was having at work, i still rather not get off work because i was dreading that meeting with sifu and simo. the reccurring theme of asking me to take on more than i already do. i don’t know how to make him understand i already have too much on my plate and no down time for myself

silencing

the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to  how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward