saturdays is barely considered meal prep. if lucky, i’ll get two toasts in; if not, one will get me through until dinner time. all these years i’ve managed killarney saturday classes as well as i could and no question i put my heart and soul into it. if sifu stopping by today changes because i taught wearing a t-shirt instead of full uniform due to a broken thumb, i have nothing to say except it’s unfortunate. parents were concerned for me; why i wasn’t rest the injury and taking a day off when i’m obviously in considerable pain. i am here being my workaholic self because i know my students need me more
the weight accumulated in the past two months has caught up to me. on the exterior i act invincible, but i can only fool others and not myself. the more i tried to brainwash myself, the deeper i fall. at times i thought i didn’t want to fight anymore and wanted to give in. i fear that i’m nearing the brink of losing it – losing the patience to battle. didn’t have an appetite for any breakfast or lunch. i tried to bury myself with work to occupy every part of me
i can tell you such restricting diet sucks when all i really wanted today was a chocolate chip cookie. it’s times like this when i crave all the bad stuff that i consistently pry myself from anyways. i’ve had enough plain bread and blandness the past week. my first trial run of first real food was an egg and my treat of the day was pint sized chicken udon for dinner. people have been telling me i shrunk, and my face is noticeably paler, skinnier and look borderline unhealthy
nine dodgeless days is over as robot war strikes. a simple game of dodgeball with player stat tracking to spark trade talks. the few twists to the rules but i’m ready to contribute to team doraemon. day three of liquid diet consisted of three slices of toasts and one banana; i’m surprised i still had energy in the tank to play. these restrictions suck and i would experience spurts of dizziness throughout the day
i thought wrong when i thought i could go home and get back to the same routine. pretty much everything i’ve been able to keep down has been liquid substance with the exception of bread. the only solid food i’ve managed to keep down is a plain toast at breakfast. sunday is not the same when i can’t heave this bar but i simply have no energy in me. sadly i had to refrain myself from doing my lifts and keep it light and under control
sticking with my simple pregame meal before a playoff game. my first season is officially over after tonight’s loss but i enjoyed my rookie season and is happy with the successes and improvements that came with it. scoring my first career goal was a big one for me and i only got more comfortable as the season went on. i filled the stat sheet burying three goals and adding four stars beside my name on the hard hat. i’d say it was a good rookie season for me and exceeded all my helpful teammates’ expectations. i’m really looking forward to the spring season and drop ins to see where my sophomore season will take me
sleeping has been an issue the last couple days. falling asleep has become increasingly difficult; waking up feeling like i never slept last night. i lay in bed seeing the clock strike 2am, then 3am and realizing my alarm is set to ring in four hours. it’s never a good sign when i get agitated easily and don’t feel up to doing anything productive. these days when i am indifferent about everything gives me a terrible and empty feeling inside. could it be the stress and unease as the competition date gets closer??