day 1331 – all business 

img_20200203_1544403600920598371212775.jpgalthough i don’t need this to feel like i belong, it doesn’t stop me from feeling more legitimacy. work has been really busy at the office this week; put more work in doing overtimes but the pile doesn’t seem to be getting less cause more work keeps coming in. time goes by so fast when everyone is pestering me because they seem to think their project needs to be prioritized first

day 1112 – unavailing

img_20200124_093219289420810503379077.jpgnot sure why getting out of bed was so difficult this morning but from the moment i climbed out of bed this morning, i was already feeling a little off. i started the day later than usual so everything was delayed. trying to get my work done in compressed time but the whole day has been unproductive. couldn’t get work done at home so tried mcdonalds but still not much got done. deadlines are approaching, need to get down to business or else my to do list will keep piling up

day 873 – more needles

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back for more needles because i need my finger to work. it’s been getting better, but progressing slower than i’d like. at times i test it out cause it feels good enough to take on more, but i go overboard and it tells me to back off. feeling more and more impatient with each passing day, it’s really driving me up the wall. time is ticking and every minute passing is a minute of wasted and missed training time

today is the day

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sixteen days out, i have no time to waste and i lot to gain. today is the day that i get down to business and do whatever is required. i regretfully say that i have been way too slack recently resulting in having back tracked much too far.  i need force myself to get back into both my training and eating regime in a quick hurry, meaning no more junk and cheat meals and no more skipped trainings or gym sessions. but no more setbacks and no more straying allowed because there’s simply no backing down now. everything including my membership, flight, hotel, car, registration are all confirmed, so there’s really only one way to go – through. got my goals set, my days marked and my schedule planned, so now is the time to get into action and not give my plan a chance to falter. the only difference this time from all previous times, and might i add the most daunting thing, is i am going to have to get this done alone. i need all the support in the world and all the luck i can get. it’s now or never

resolution series: [eighteen] connections

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i have said it again and again, and i will say it again. first decade of your life everyone you meet is either your friend or your enemy. second decade is when you learned a little better, have a large group of friends even though you learned not to hastily call everyone friends. beyond the first two decades is when you have to figure out who your friends really are as you will no longer have a ginormous list of friends. because you will soon realize that people will start disappearing and there isn’t enough time to go around for everyone. don’t get me wrong i am not an introvert; i do believe in networking and i find ways to develop my network whenever i can. with that said, i value all the different social groups and population i meet through an assortment that stretches across many breadths and fields. i am completely aware that my list of friends are shrinking but i have now realized that i only need a handful of close buddies that i can turn to in any situation at any point in time and they will be there for me no matter what happens. working hard to surround myself with the right people that will be a positive impact to my life and stay true to my real friends because they are the ones i want to grow old with. i am working hard to becoming a greater influence whenever my friends are in need of a pick me up moment. true friends don’t let you fall alone, i would know because they picked me back up countless times

resolution series: [six] unimportant things

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life isn’t made equal, but when it comes to time, everyone is given the same amount to work with everyday – no more, no less. since there’s a limit, one can only choose to include so much in their daily routine and screen out all the things that aren’t deemed worthwhile. but even after screening, we must then filter and sort out which of the commitments are priorities and require more attention. there is only that much time in a day to fit everything into my daily life. as it stands, my schedule is already far beyond packed. inevitably take a lot of responsibilities than the amount of time i can afford, too much for my own good cause i haven’t learned to say no. i try not to surround myself with all the drama queens and drama kings out there because i simply don’t have the time and energy to deal with them. drama can only lead to more stress than i can already handle. i need not to be involved in other unimportant business when i haven’t gotten complete control on my life. but until then, i will put my life, my problems, my wants and needs as top priority

day 657 – my work of art

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once again proving myself multifaceted with another volunteer gig. the things i volunteer to do for people in my spare time that happens behind the scenes often goes unnoticed, but i don’t mind as long as it is appreciated and respected. sometimes even i am impressed with the amount of things i take on within 24 hours a day. quickly whipped up this poster design and sent it over to the print shop

a-game at us world open

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there was no shortage of pressure at us world open with the presence of the grandmaster, team of students and their parents. little was said, but this competition would also determine my path moving forward and going to nationals next month. i went into this competition feeling undertrained because of all my commitments with the sunrun, dodgeball, playoffs, demos and coaching duties; too much time spent coaching the kids i left no time for myself. it was a mixed bag of feelings from being emotionally unstable to psychologically drained cause i knew what was on the line, physically fine for the most part other than coping with a bad groin that won’t heal and battling a week-long cold. the pressure was far beyond anything i’ve ever experienced since all my school’s competitors had already finished their events, leaving me last to go on stage so everybody hovered behind my ring. i am not a fan of spotlight and this certainly a lot more attention than i am comfortable with. what made it even more nerve wrecking is i was queued second last in my division meaning i had to go through the pain of watching and waiting for my fellow competitors. i was so nervous i didn’t dare watch any of my competitors or their results. i zoned out everyone who tried to talk to me and only focused on what i had to do. i went out there and did what i had to do, walked off the mats straight to my coach without even looking at my score. i was greeted by high fives and a “pretty good” which meant the world to me cause rarely does he compliment me. everybody was quick to tell me i secured at least a silver medal based on the scores of those who went before me. i didn’t believe it, but came to realization as the final results were announced. it wasn’t the medal around my neck that brought joy to me, it was beating my biggest rival from my own school and that proved plenty, more than words can say. most importantly i felt good out there doing what i thought was my best poomsae and best performance yet. the silver lining was i later found out the mexican who topped my score was the bronze medallist at this year’s worlds. thankfully i was told after the fact or i would be too psyched out, as if i didn’t have enough pressure

day 585 – anniversary appies

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today marks another wedding anniversary in the books for the two most important people in my life that’s supported and accommodated me in just about every possible way. sometimes it is difficult to show the gratitude towards how much they mean to me, but i am truly blessed to have received all the support throughout. always wishing my numerous commitments would allow us to spend more time together, but know that no matter how short, every moment we share is quality time i cherish

face it

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after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision