day 1135 – sunroof or moonroof

img_20200203_1344219016386932400635767.jpgdays without gym time always feels worse. giving my car a wash and treating it better than i treat myself. it’s the rare occasion you will find my sunroof shut. i used to like the nights, but they don’t treat me well anymore. the sun doesn’t come out anymore, neither does the moon. i guess there’s nothing out there giving me light; i could simply be spinning in circle for all i know. another night that didn’t end well; it’s uneasy but swallow it and get used to it. sleeping is overrated because the darkness is where everything happens, where all thoughts come out

day 1130 – hockey practice

image

the morning started off good gearing up for a practice with teammates before the regular season. i was thrilled to be on ice with gear, sticks and pucks but that was the only bright spot. somethings got in the way but it was a setting i had to keep my composure and pretend nothing was wrong. i spoke my exact feelings and thoughts, but the thorn is way deeper than what i can remove. it was an unsettling feeling that started off sour and ended sour; made it far from an enjoyable rest of the night. i needed a punching bag more than anything and deep down i had the urge to go get one