day 2182 – bobby wing

hit up the ironwood new wings after flightclub because it’s wednesday wings night. i had a pound of wings and agreed to share an order of the exclusive bobby wings. i really enjoyed my east meets west wings, but can’t say the same for the bobby wings. when i signed the waiver i was determined to finish one and aimed for two. at first bite, my lips burned, tongue numbed and eyes watered. even then i took a third bite which may have been a mistake. i don’t regret having taken on this offer since it’s something i wanted to see for myself

day 2170 – road less taken

the tears that rolled uncontrollably down my face was a direct reflection of how i felt inside. as much as i wanted to stop myself in front of people, i simply couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. so much stress has built up around work, taekwondo, people and health that my emotional and physical state are torn inside and outside. all my life i feel i’ve been cheated because i never had the privilege of having the health most people enjoy. still, i push through and train through all my injuries, overcoming one after another. this time is no different, but four months is too long to go through without having a proper diagnosis and method of treatment. no doubt i’m feeling frustrated from the hopelessness

day 1530 – one for mom

celebrated mom’s birthday before parents head to the airport for yet another trip to hong kong. in front of them, i act like there’s no pain and everything is okay even though deep down it’s a completely different story. upon seeing them off, i closed the front door and tears immediately began to roll down my eyes. i couldn’t stop the down pour; the only way to dull my heart break way was to lay in bed. it hurts in every way and hard to accept that my life has changed drastically. i’m tired from all this i don’t know how i will handle this change to being practically disabled

林奕匡 – 有淚多好

it’s a good song, but a sad one. a song that looped and looped over hundred times in my car and on my computer because it speaks for my heart. i can’t explain and don’t want to try to explain why tears just keep rolling uncontrollably. all this is just wreckage to my soul, and i’m ready to pull out to end the misery. every day i tell myself that this will all be over some day. i guess i’m just waiting for the moment to speak and get it over with

day 1452 – downfall

someone said when you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up – i don’t think so. in one of my worst and weakest state yet, i still find ways to fall further. i am truly disappointed and disheartened to the point where my heart turned stone cold as tears rolled down. i sense that i’m nearing the brink and any disloyalty would cause more than a rumble because my trust is not infinite nor free. it will hurt but i know that if boundary is crossed, i will not hold on

day 1425 – waterworks

when was the last time i smiled from the heart?? please take me back in time and erase the nightmare i’ve been trapped in. there’s just no smiling today; not even the fakest. the only thing i did was cry as it continuously and uncontrollably roll down. my eyes were like waterfall no matter how hard i tried not to think. my eyes are tired, my mind is tired and so is my heart. the uncertainties of what i should do is far from over. i can’t imagine going to work tomorrow and anything acting like myself

day 1422 – accompaniment 

my precious sticking by my side morning and night. she’s there for hugs when i need it most and absorbs any burden i carry day in and day out; something i need more than ever before. accompanying me so to know that i’m not going through this phase alone. i get disappointed wondering where each person’s priorities are at. i’d go home frustrated and speechless, but at least i know i’m somebody’s top priority and i know that i’ll always have her even when everything ends. i’m beginning to feel i’m ready to pull the trigger and let go