resolution series: [fifteen] confidence

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i have never been a confident person and i still am not, but i have taken strides in this area. i have very high expectations for myself; the fearful part is when i do not meet those standards, it becomes detrimental to my already lacking and wavering confidence level. playing on teams definitely helped just knowing my teammates will always be there to back me up. i have been fortunate to be a part of numerous teams with awesome teammates that support each other so well and prides in teamwork and team building activities. team chemistry plays a big role in bringing home championships – i experienced that first hand. becoming a part of the vdl exec team has made me more vocal; part of the package requires speaking in front of large groups of people, constantly meeting new people and putting myself out there in a bigger community. taekwondo has provided me more than i could have ever imagined. having met a close knit family where we train together and sweat together. through instructing, competing and demonstrating, it has forced me to speak and demonstrate in front of students, parents and spectators alike. i am glad that many moons ago, my instructor pushed me out into competition because it has been, by far, the biggest difference maker. being alone in the ring with all eyes watching can be fearful as hell but when time comes i have no choice and just have to go on stage and finish what i started. no doubt i have gained a lot experience, respect and approval through being both an instructor and a competitor, but that also comes with responsibility and pressure. not only have i developed my own standard that i must live up to, but others also have high expectations for me that i’d hate to disappoint. all of these undertakings were a leap of faith that required me to step out of my comfort zone and into a completely new territory not knowing what to expect. from a person who is unwilling to speak up, i have evolved to being capable of stepping up in front of large crowds and audiences. this is not to say i am comfortable being in the spotlight because i still get nervous every single time, but at least i am willing to take that step forward. even today i still shy away from attention and hide in the background. i am still quiet by nature, and only when i feel comfortable around you will i start to open up and express myself. that’s when you will get to know me better as a person, my values, the driving force and reasons behind the things i do. there’s a lot hiding inside if you manage to crack my shell

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day 502 – sweats

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couldn’t wait any longer to wear my new vdl sweats out, first off, to physio because its comfy and warm. pleasant surprise to hear that both my knees are fine and progressively getting stronger, meaning my hard work is paying off. before i feel too good, he completely crushed my shin into bits and hurt me like there’s no tomrorow. still have to worry about my wrist moving onto further scans and tests to see what’s the underlying problem

day 321 – guess where i am

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taking what i deem as necessary steps to getting back on the mats, on the courts and in the gym. at physio taking orders, working hard and taking beating that will ultimately give myself the best chance and most optimal return date. here i know i am in the good hands of my physio and kinesiologists who is pushing me hard to train me better everyday. don’t ever change because you guys don’t let me slack