day 1484 – speak easy

nationals in the back of my mind the whole day made me so restless. i never expected the decision to be easy to overcome, and i think i handled it the best i could. what made it more difficult was i had no one to speak my mind and made it less inviting when i’m constantly being criticized, teased or ignored. i feel like i’m taking this on alone and less willing to pour my heart out knowing i’m going to get insults. i don’t know how long i can take the punishment

day 1322 – transformation 

this is not a throwback thursday, but a random photo sifu sent me today and i thought it was funny but fitting. to a raw competitor of six years ago, when i also sparred at bc champ. i can’t keep track of how many competitions i have been to since then; it’s probably a good sign when i don’t. i miss the good old days when i had coaches to turn to, but now i, myself, have taken on that role and can only rely. on myself. still trying to grow into someone i could rely on. it’s a special day for lomo, but no time to celebrate

day 1312 – team competitors 

competition day in portland came really quickly. i had low expectations going in because of what happened recently and the luck of poomsae draw didn’t help either. practice was sparse cause of the lack of time and the timing of injuries. i admit at times i didn’t try to make time to practice and even wanted to withdraw so i won’t disappoint anyone. i pulled together a gutsy performance today and took a gold and a satisfying bronze. i’m glad i was there to prove myself

day 1306 – exec social 

a vdl event that gathers execs so those who don’t do league ops nor play every night gets a chance to hangout. i am usually unable to make it out to these events, but i had a gap before working at blackbelt test. taking over most of steamworks eating and socializing while getting good laughs playing board games. the company was good but the food was horrible; i ended up eating my first hotdog since korean festival two summers ago. a laid back afternoon that momentarily got my mind off taekwondo where i was low key stressing out for my competition

day 1305 – wash and dry

despite sleeping at 2 in the morning, i naturally woke up early as usual. morning was a little laid back as i had no urgency to wake up immediately so i slept in a little before giving my filthy shadow a little quick wash. it took a little longer than i thought so didn’t have much time for a lunch before it was time for taekwondo. i could have joined my rdl social, but after a seven hour taekwondo shift, i was too tired and turned for home. i could use the personal space just to think and straighten some things out

day 1304 – crummy friday 

it doesn’t take much time make me feel crummy – just a sleeplessness night and some unjust comments. i couldn’t stop thinking about it and how it made me more uncomfortable. what’s also uncomfortable is my hip, glute and now my quad from the bench fall. somehow i’ll have to get through this thirteen hour work day in a fifteen hour span. i can only convince myself it’s good to be friday although i’ll spend my weekend at taekwondo too

day 1293 – seminar sequel

it was a good two day seminar held by grandmaster lee. i learned a lot of theory and technical things i wouldn’t otherwise have in regular classes. with his in depth explanation and new found knowledge, i now see poomsae in a different light. while i spend my three-day long weekend at taekwondo, i never got any restful time off. my mind wants to sleep but leg cramps are preventing me from sleeping. calling it an early day to get take on another week head on