day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore

day 2219 – x-out breaking

with crunch time in mind, i had to work my way through some back tuck troubles before i can think of anything else. after getting the consistency down, x-outs were back in the discussion. had a few good attempts with foam targets and acetate sheets; thought that was good enough progress from training. i wasn’t thinking of going for boards today, but it only happened because of them giving me the extra push. honestly if i hadn’t progressed to to boards either today or tomorrow, i would definitely call off the x-out breaking option

day 2092 – second cup

most days i get by with one cup, but today i went for seconds. i’m feeling antsy and not at the same time because i have a deadline i know i won’t be able to make. there’s nothing i can do if all the remote computers are having sketchup vray license is having issues. i’m ticked off at home because my dad is throwing a hissy fit over something that sounds so minor. i’m just going to do my part and support my mom when necessary

day 2037 – pink shirt day

wearing pink pants to the office to support anti-bullying day. this is one of the few times i will voluntarily wear something so bright because it’s a movement closer to my heart. i’ve been bullied in parts of my childhood because i was small and timid. as a result, i would not look like i can defend or stand up for myself. i guess that explains why i keep things inside my heart and my mind, and that’s developed a shell designed to protect my myself from danger

day 1906 – front tuck landed

i’m calling this my first official front tuck landed on the floor even though i had one last week that i wasn’t satisfied with. i was hesitant to attempt again; they sensed it but were still adamant on it from the get go. the pressure was strong and everyone had their eyes on me as i warmed myself up on the mats. i was feeling really iffy on the first ones, but eventually stuck a landing. i’m thankful they believed i could and gave me all the support possible. sometimes i need to be pushed; i wouldn’t have done it otherwise if they weren’t forcing it on me

day 1897 – first front

i landed so many good ones on the blue today so decided today was the day to take it to the floor. i fell on my butt so many times before eventually landing one on the floor for the very first time. it was by no means pretty, but i’ll keep working on it to clean it up. it was a really big step out of my comfort zone, but i now know how it feels on the floor. i’m very grateful for the support i’ve received even when it wasn’t working. without their encouragement, i wouldn’t have had the opportunity or confidence to attempt it on the floor. this will be the first of many

day 1838 – funeral flowers

heavy hearted moment learning that one of my long time friend just lost her mother. i paid her family a visit and made sure she knows she’s supported. this must be a difficult moment for her and her family, but i’m really glad to see that she’s holding up well. we hung around after the prayers and chatted about how things will change and even how much she looks forward to our mini upcoming trip