day 1822 – cartwheel

throwing too many cartwheels and attempts of aerials nonstop can lead to severe injuries. i heard some kind of pop as i braced myself with an outstretched arm. i thought it had to be a dislocated shoulder or something had snapped in my elbow. i landed hard but i didn’t want to check what the problem could be because maybe i’m not ready to find out. as stubborn and stupid as i was, i continued practicing but knowing in the back of my mind it could be a major issue that needs attention

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day 1548 Рhand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me