out from stumbles

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lately i have been stuck in a rut fighting myself, losing my sense of direction and not knowing what i want to do with my life. i would carry on and beat myself up, then question whether my existence is meaningless. that’s not to say i have figured everything out, but i have decided to stop beating myself up and believing i am worthless. point is, i need to correct those behaviours because it would only hurt myself and hurting myself is hurting the loved ones around me; i hate to see others get hurt. i do feel apologetic for being silent and quiet about my problems, perhaps i am not quite good at sharing my troubled thoughts. i don’t mean to make you guys worry. it won’t change overnight, but i’ll try harder to be more open and vocal about what goes on inside my head. it’s time to realize i am not suppose to settle to be an average person, just like the millions of other human beings on earth. it’s time to step up my game and live up to expectations and chase my own dreams. doing so is nerve wrecking, but that’s the only way to grow as a person and expand on what i have already accomplished. i know that whichever path i choose to take, i will have the support of those around me. i want the supporters in my life to know that i was born for a reason

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day 1003 – secret ingredients

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never underestimate the significance of a bubble tea and a fractured finger. a simple chocolate milk tea and roasted milk tea were the secret ingredients that kickstarted it all. the hasty stumble filled my dodgeball roster, and also brought us much closer than just teammates. little did we know i was ever so close to turning down the bubble tea run that very night; that could have rewritten the story in its entirety. i am glad i got roped into getting some diabetic drinks; the fractured finger also helped a little. it’s a combination of sugar, luck, chance and fate that did it all

stumbling

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i can’t be certain if my mind and my heart will still be in one piece come end of this month. there were so many times this month when i sat alone in the dark wanting to cry, wanting to run myself through the wall, wanting to pull my hair out and wanting to quit everything. but then, when i think about it again, what good with that do?? would it solve all the problems and frustrations i have at hand?? before i did anything careless, i managed to step back to gather myself and viewed things from a broader angle. stumbling is part of life, falling down is a must because that’s when you learn what you are made of. i’m sure all the greats have fallen at some point in the lifetime but somehow they managed to get to where they are now. i know i had to make some big and extremely tough decisions lately, but i made them and will be able to live with it for the rest of my life. there’s a lot of things in my life worth striving for, a lot to look forward to in the future. i shouldn’t let one or two or a few setbacks dictate and ruin my life. i promised myself i would only give myself a week to dwell and regroup, but after that, i will once again find the determination to move closer to my dreams and goals