day 1960 – gaining or losing

trying something new and falling on my face is quite normal. i can’t lie about the disappointment i’ve been facing with my struggles as of late. i feel like i’ve lost the back tuck and aerial, both of which i’ve spent so long working on. the only thing i still have is my front tuck. i feel ashamed that i’m going through this struggle with my flips and tricks and very few people will understand. sports has always come rather easy all my life and my coordination has never been an issue, but for this i always second guess myself and kind of want to give up

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day 1955 – flips for food

doing lots of flips before going for late night sushi at koto. i was working on a lot of butterfly twist, something i tend to stay away from because i simply don’t feel like i understand. i guess i’m embarrassed with the struggles of not understanding what the motion needs to be after take off. some days i feel really down and think that maybe i’ll never get it, and be the only person that won’t have a chance to land one on the floor

day 1912 – design table

the new drawers we put in to the plant production finally came into the design studio. it was a massive unit hence it was a big struggle maneuvering and lifting the quartz top. with the help of eight people, we managed to transport the old out and new in. i’m just relieved the cabinet fit into the space or else all fingers points at me. the new drawers definitely puts a big upgrade to the design table and design area as a whole

give and receive

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recently each and every day is a mighty struggle because i am trapped in a battle against myself and within myself. regardless of what i go through, i try not to let problems surface and definitely don’t allow my mood to fluctuate. i never want my troubles to affect others because i am a strong and independent girl that ought to take care myself and not cause others to worry. truth is, i’ve been really troubled lately and i just don’t know what to do with myself. there are nights when i sit alone thinking about everything i am, everything i am not, and then eventually emotions get the better of me. sometimes i am uncertain what purpose i serve in society and why my existence even matters?? what exactly sets my heart on fire and where my passion lies?? this is a routine i would go through day in and day out, but so far i’ve come out empty handed majority of the time. every now and then, i would feel my strength as a person has been decreasing with every self destructing battle i fight. then i think to myself that life gave me those challenges because i am strong enough to live it. knowing nothing comes overnight, i can only carry on and stay positive that something will come along as long as i keep going. this is only one of the few challenges i will encounter in my life, and i am set on defeating it

day 706 – headphones in

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headphones in, music on, i have arrived at a place where it’s time to grind. back at the gym in a long long time, at least a week prior to competition if i remember correctly. to my surprise, there’s a line of upgraded treadmills and lots of brand new equipments to toy with. i hate going in just before dinner time but had to squeeze it in. stepped down one notch from where i last left off, and sad to say it was still a struggle

day 663 – restoration day

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yesterday’s physical demands is exactly the reason why getting through today was such a struggle. i wasn’t able to fall asleep last night even though i was thoroughly tired. waking up this morning with a throbbing headache and sore limbs and a splinter still stuck in my sole. my knee is really banged up from the crash and my whole body is sore and immobile to say the least. but all is good knowing i completed my mission yesterday