fulfilment

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heaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

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day 1080 – antidote

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yesterday was a forgettable day, but today is a new day and i can’t stay down for long. the unwanted things that went through my head was erased by a much needed workout. going all in and straight for all the heavy lifts today; exhausting my body is my most effective stress reliever. this has really become a therapeutic activity for me because my mind wanders less when i am physically engaged. all i want to focus on correcting what’s wrong and strive to be better

day 1041 – spartan everyday

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after having done my first ever spartan race on saturday, i feel like i could be a spartan everyday. i happily hit the gym on sunday, underestimating what my body had gone through. i only came to realization as i woke up this morning that my legs were jello. i could make excuses for myself, but mondays are never rest days for me – training must be done and dodgeball must go on. pushed myself really hard through a grueling training session today. my legs were no longer under me come dodgeball time, but i enjoy the feelings of pure exhaustion and these are the kind of things i want to be doing

方大同 – 不容易

he’s one talented artist with a great voice and a list of good songs, but this is one of my favourite from his playlist. it really reinforces and reminds us that what we love and treasure in life is definitely worth striving. nothing in life comes easy, so work your butt off for everything you love and never let go. there’s no price tag for the things you believe in, even when others disagree

what you want

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feel like i am falling off the train tracks and hitting a wall so another check in is required to make sure i know what i am doing. it’s hard to always stay on track, but always got to keep a tab on it and not let myself stray too far and even back pedal too much. when life is a long journey, must aim high and make meaningful goals and achievements to strive for. and throughout any undertaking of any goal requires discipline in many forms that makes the separation. unfortunately that also means times can get rough, minds can get lost and that’s what usually what happens to me far too often. it is important to know that the struggles and hardwork is part of the process and that the progress and eventual achievement will be well worth every ounce of effort i put in. the process is important, but knowing the reaching the top of the mountain and conquering every obstacle is the most rewarding feeling should be enough to keep at it. that i should be proud of reaching and striving, all for the greater good

resolution series: [twentynine] walk away

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you can say life is both long and short. how much you get out of it is entirely up to you because you are in the driver’s seat controlling the wheel and choosing your path. the shotgun may have inputs on which route to take and passengers may try to initiate backseat driving, but in the end, you are steering the wheel and that’s what matters most. somehow i find an amusement park resembles a person’s life at different stages of life. each day is very much like a ferris wheel; there’s a routine and certain tasks you must complete and once that cycles one round, you get up and do it all over again. and then there’s a roller coaster where it takes much time to build up and then go from absolute high to the uttermost low in a matter of seconds, or milliseconds. the hardest part of life is living a life doing things you hate doing. makes waking up every morning that much harder than it already is. it’s time i learn to step away from the things i dread doing and concentrate on striving for the things i like. maybe a change is in order to leave behind the load of what isn’t my responsibility and pursue what i am passionate about. in the end it is taking the good out of the grand scheme of things and making the most out of what you can, not what you are given. if you don’t like what are you doing, don’t follow blindly, walk away and choose your own destiny

day 373 – civic plaza

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here’s a rad model of the landmark surrey centre project, the 3 civic plaza in the making. this is a huge project and can’t wait to see the finished product in some time down the road. hope this can bring many changes, one that changes the complexity of neighbourhood going forward and improves the district’s reputation. seeing models and buildings like this reminds me of why i like doing what i am constantly striving for