i got my bubble tea reward for the twenty back tuck challenge. the perfect reward to end a frustrating and stressful work week that made me want to walk out. i didn’t have any appetite even though i was hungry. i’m glad i didn’t go straight home and instead hung out with my friends to wind up the friday night because that lightened my mood. this would be my first milk tea from the highly touted pearl fever and it didn’t disappoint. the thirty percent sweet was perfect and just how i like it even though my friend who bought it didn’t think so
i must say getting a star performer plaque for the year was the pleasant surprise. it has been a crazy stressful year. many days i just go about my business and work my butt to make all the deadlines. it’s good to know that the hardwork and dedication to hold this fort down didn’t go unnoticed. and this year i showed up to harrison to represent the design tech team
i went into work and did my lunch and learn presentation. i went not because i wanted to, but cause obligation calls. the way everything has unfolded recently left me feeling sour and i’m about to give up trying to reach for justice. i no longer feel like standing up for what’s fair and will just do whatever is said. the amount of work i manage, the amount of stress from all directions, and the lack of respect i’m receiving just doesn’t add up. the renumeration that was promised doesn’t exist. if things don’t change, then i’m on my way out
plugging in the headphones at work to prevent too many distractions. people realize i’m not i’m the office for two days and feel the need to bother me. i have a lot of emails to catch up on and haven’t got the time to entertain people’s nonsense. i got really ticked off when someone came over to almost tease my minor sprain he called it. i went to bed without dinner since the stressful day took over my appetite. it’s not like i can exercise anyways so i might as well keep the eating off
the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward
this sport comes with a lot of challenges; at times i lose sight of why i’m in it, but i’m thankful to be involved in this sport. this role assumes many responsibilities and comes with overwhelming stress, but little do i realize how much passion i have for taekwondo and how much pride i take in teaching. i never expected to get anything in return, but i’m truly blown away by the sincerity and appreciation of my students. i smiled when i read the blurb – it’s a simple gesture but i am touched
i am sad my phone took a hard fall. it’s like it had a bone fracture except it doesn’t grow back together in six weeks. the day didn’t go well – not feeling good, didn’t make my lifts and not being productive. maybe the turn of the calendar signifies summer vacation is through and competition training schedule is set to start up next week. the pressure is really starting to hit me now that offseason is over. offseason training was good because i got a chance to focus on new things and not worry about coaching, cutting and activity restrictions. the grind will soon begin, am i prepared??