day 2019 – ladies locker room

there must have been a memo somewhere out there to wear purple today. i don’t think i’ve ever been so agitated and come so close to getting into a hockey fight. i was on the boards in a puck battle when he pushed me and i shoved him back. i guess he least expected me to stand up to a big guy like him so he tried to establish his dominance by throwing a jab at my head that i dodged. he then tried to put his arm around my neck thinking he could throw me down. i took exception of it and stood in front of him and stared him down as the refs ushered him into the penalty box

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believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference