day 1671 – dimsuming


i don’t recall the last time i ate dimsum, but it’s  safe to say i can now eat them guilt free. my love for malaysian cake, ha gao and rice rolls never changed. switching up the diet has its perks for reasons i can enjoy food with variety. since the switch, my appetite has improved significantly, or maybe it’s just a result of improvement in my overall state of mind. either way, the trend is heading in the right place in multiple aspects of my life 

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deadened

so much has surfaced i no longer think i can continue on. at times like this when a big life event takes place, is usually when the true self becomes apparent. the truth is, work, sleeps play, and all extracurricular activities are all of higher importance than going under the knife. it pains me to see the true colours revealed, but it’s necessary so i know not to have any more expectations. the day i was admitted into the hospital is the day i decided there’s nothing worth saving. i asked myself if i can accept the treatment and care i received, and sadly the answer was no. the bar that was set pretty low cannot be moved any lower. i deserve to be treated better and i know that day will come when i get the proper care. for the time being, i’m going to keep my cool and keep the words to myself because there’s no point in voicing what would never be understood. i can no longer hold everything inside of me; my mental, emotional, spiritual state of mind is dead. all i can do is shut all those down and smile to appear okay

day 914 – leaf through

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came across this as i was leafing through my phone album for a kickass picture request. going through these pictures bring back so much memories, the times when i seemed to have a better grasp of competition. deep down i know i miss competition and really want to be back in the game, but knowing i will not return until i can step up my game. it’s been far too long since i last competed. the longer i’m away from the competition stage, the more scared i feel. i hope i’m able to control and improve not only my game, but my state of mind

day 731 – just gyming

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heading to the gym crippled but leaving happy because my ankle exceeded all my expectations. some heavy taping on my ankle makes it that much more functional, i can fall asleep easy feeling like it accomplished something today. even though i know it needs rest in order to heal properly, i also had the urge to test it out to get a better idea of what it will allow me to do this weekend. i hate waiting and i cannot be patient with these things