day 1827 – quick reminder

thank you for dropping this quote off on my desk because it saved me from going down a rabbit hole. i have always been a firm believer that discipline is what got me farther than i would have imagined and this time is no different. coincidentally it’s the turn of a calendar month which is the perfect time to pick myself up and try to turn things around. i’m set on making august a good month and get back to where i need to be – my top form

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day 1204 – missing usb

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i woke up this morning expecting to work on my term project, but instead i spent the entire day looking for my usb drive. i was super upset that i lost my usb because it holds the only copy of the project i’ve been working on all term and i haven’t yet saved it onto my computer. what’s more devastating is i made immense progress yesterday and my model looked well on its way only to have it all vanish. i’m stupid for misplacing the drive. i will start the project from scratch tomorrow and hope to make this one even better. to whoever stole my usb, i hope you get caught plagiarizing

day 972 – oyster sauce

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having a whole broccoli head all to myself because i pigged out too much last couple days. i’ve worked on keeping myself accountable leading up to competition, but the last couple days has been very difficult. all that stress has gotten the better part of me and i find suppressing has been harder and harder. if eating bland is going to get me back on track, then eating bland it is. my eating has gone awry to the point where it’s probably slightly unhealthy

day 839 – not right

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i had a great weekend, only up to the moment i realize i had disobeyed all that i said i would do. i am fighting myself and feeling torn inside because i walked in with a number in mind but went well beyond that limit, i don’t know how it got so out of hand. it’s only finally hitting me hard today, the wheels have really fallen off and i don’t even know where to begin to pick myself up. what a heart felt disappointment when i have regretfully misused the trust others had in me. i failed others and most importantly i have failed myself. need to learn that discipline is choosing between what i want now and what i want most. perhaps i must be stricter and harder on myself and start my climb from the bottom again. i guess i deserved to have both my pinkies sprained during practice

day 804 – numbers matter

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based on the numbers and the green bars all around, i would say thanksgiving monday was a very successful day. it was a slow start to the day being wet and rainy, but still logged a lot of activity before the day’s end. it’s a good thing i forced myself to get off my ass, otherwise i would feel like it was a pretty crappy and unfulfilling weekend no thanks to too much eating and not enough exercise

reset in order

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through my struggles in the last little while to get past some major mental block where i have attempted to shut off the world and kind of turned against myself. during this stretch, my confidence level wavered immensely because i am unsure where i am headed and unsure if where i want to go is even plausible. is this what i thought i wanted what i truly want to pursue or am i just doing it for the sake of doing it? so many of questions along the same line popped out in my head and i kept questioning myself. it is scary to think that i myself don’t even have any of these critical answers. after hermitting and mulling about these uncertainties for several days, i think i am creeping closer to getting my answers. i think i see the light in the darkness, but the rest is really up to me because it’s mental thing more than anything. i need to train and build up my mentality game to be ready for my competition game. i have been involved in competitions nonstop without any rest, and a mental exhaustion is probably the main spur of this endless self crushing mental block. so for now, i think it’s best for me to step back to look at the broader picture. when something is obviously not going right, it calls for a break to make some adjustments. i am not sure how short or how long of a break i need, but i am positive that when i make my return, i will be stronger and better in every way