day 2373 – rutted

i’ve had far too many nose blows the past few months. the amount of times i stay awake being sad and discouraged far exceeds the times i not. i’m so tired of it; the feeling of quitting happens every other day. i’m not okay being neglected, left alone to fail and self destruct while some get the full on instructions. it hurts me that i show up to classes and open gyms ready to learn, ready to land my next move, but i’m clearly not their priority because they’ve got their ‘pokemon’ to train. i don’t deserve this and it hurts me so much inside more than words can explain

day 1958 – morning work days

back to work on early monday morning not feeling rest at all as i’m still fighting a nagging cold and cough. i can’t even buy sleep when i’m waking up at 2am and 4am everyday. it’s a never ending cycle of cough affecting my sleep pattern and the inability to sleep affecting the cold recovery. i keep finding reasons not go to into my family doctor’s office. it’s probably a waste of time since she doesn’t really solve my problems

day 1798 – horseshoe way


getting into work after a long weekend is not quite fun. i was hoping the long weekend would change the insomnia and headaches but so far i feel little improvement. the one person at the office that never fails to give me stress is doing it again, and always trying to pick the moment when my manager is not present. both the planned and ambushed attacks are all part of her strategy to redirect blame when something goes wrong. the trend of taking drugs day after day is not the long term fix, i’m slowly beginning to think a visit to my doctor is necessary. now if only i can find time to make that call

day 1776 – refresher break

getting to work on time was really difficult today because i felt like i never slept during the night. i couldn’t fall asleep until after 2am and was woken up twenty past four. i felt like crap at work the whole day. i could’ve easily gone home early, but too much u work in my queue i couldn’t even think about taking some time off for a nap. if it wasn’t for some tylenols and this refresher, i wouldn’t have last the whole day of work plus a couple hours of teaching

day 1686 Рskate tongue 

playing for the first time with my skate tongue in and i kind of like how the skate is more snug on me. the order of putting on gear will have to be slightly altered but that’s something to get used to. not feeling great after a barely catching any sleep, but still had to push for a rushed deadline today. took a nap alongside some tylenol and even then just wasn’t quite enough to be in game shape. my reaction and timing was off, but i did play a well defensive game covering for centres and coming back for odd man rushes. tempted to take a little time off work if possible; a little rest would be nice for my current tired soul

day 1685 – board cuts

the aftermath of a blackbelt test i didn’t want to work. it didn’t bode well from the beginning and only got worse when i’m told by the grandmaster to hold a board when he knows very well my hand isn’t healed for it. it really has become a hostile environment i’m tired of bearing his unreasonable and unethical ways. it has caused me too much grief and too much sleep and i’m no longer willing to go the distance to suit his needs while i sacrifice my happiness. either his attitude has to change and respect has to be there, or that’s the end of an era

day 1650 – free boosters

img_20200203_1344311257006167595410142.jpgfree booster juice for the design team courtesy of manager who won the super bowl trivia. i’ll gladly take the strawberry storm smoothie over my lunch because i had a major toothache from the mini surgery. it hurt so much to eat i don’t even have much of an appetite anyways. i was told i looked sick and i certainly felt unwell since it kept me up all night. if i can’t catch some sleep again, i might have to pop some tylenols or go back to my dentist. i’m not a happy camper at the moment