day 1556 – out there

i did not sleep much last night, or maybe didn’t sleep at all. instead, i drove out around and around thinking of so many harmful things and thinking i want to be out of this misery. then it’s like i woke up from a dream and went on with my life like every saturday – more of work. this day it’s all me holding up the whole class alone got me quite drained. good thing i didn’t up having some fun at drop in hockey or else i would probably have crashed at some point 

day 1525 – monotonous 

another day and another sleep deprived night. it was hard enough to fall asleep, but it was harder to stay asleep; i couldn’t stop waking up thinking i overslept. the discomfort today got so much i resorted to some tylenol so to dull the discomfort. for the rest of the day it felt like a drag and i wasn’t really present. i had no appetite by dinner time i didn’t even bother. affected me everywhere at rehab and even just lying down

day 1520 –  squat hard 

i was definitely frustrated waking up because i stayed up working on payroll and i woke up with another email of explanations. work in the afternoon dragged on and i longed to get out. i didn’t feel particularly good during my workout today and felt weaker than other days. schedule just haven’t had time to hit up the gym. not having done so all week long is really showing in my squats but i still hit it hard knowing i’ll feel it even harder the next day

day 1494 – priority list 

fitbit shows me i need to put myself higher on the priority list and sleep a little more. sadly the amount i worked this week doubled the amount of sleep i got. i never really got a break and the start of another work week is in just a few hours away. i’m not looking forward to next week working all seven days. i am not always guaranteed a weekend, but at least this week i still have sunday off as a small breather

day 1481 – stat work

the office was as empty as the roads were during rush hour today. the office was quiet on a statutory holiday but the increased productivity was much needed for my friday deadline. feeling unrested and uneasy all week long because all i can think about is my teammates flying off to nationals; i should be with them, but i’m not. i’ve been using many things to numb my feelings and emotions until something can act as sleeping pills. work is one of them and i keep being my workaholic self to not allow myself any down time so i don’t end my night in tears

day 1442 – cylone

so many forgettable things happened this week that made me depressed, made me stress and made me cry. week long of insomnia failing to fall asleep or waking up quarter past three. am i ever happy to see a day where i will have to myself to detach myself from all the wrongs. first off, a stop at cyclones after work for skates moulding and sharpening; but really, i’m also playing around with all their products. i’m still waiting for the right sale to get my stick

day 1315 – roost

the morning wasn’t so bad as i worked through the fatigue to get my conference call done. it only hit me when the caffeine wore off and i clearly suffered from the afternoon crash. i went straight home and took a nap to make up some sleep. woke up but couldn’t work so i took some medicine, mulled around and went to sleep again. that’s what four hours of sleep will do. things just doesn’t slow down even after competition travels