
2020 has undoubtedly presented a crazy challenge to many, myself included. the coronavirus has brought forth many changes in my life i never once thought about. it introduced “social distancing”, a new term we can’t go through a day without using. it mandated the use of face masks in order to complete our daily routines. more importantly, never have i once thought it was possible for me to deviate from the gogogo lifestyle i’ve gotten so accustomed to. the combination of everything was no shortage of an emotional roller coaster where i found myself at an all-time low. in midst of this pandemic, i’ve had time to reflect on all that i have and be grateful for what i do with passion. if i look closely, there’s still blessings during the covid times
i can only speak for myself, but the lockdown has been unreal from the very beginning because my life was flipped upside down. i was removed from basically everything that represented me. the world was full of uncertainties and the only thing i was certain about was i still had a heartbeat. it left a huge void in my life and i felt like i was deserted. some days getting out of bed was a drag because the purpose was so unclear. without the community engagement aspect, i lost touch with a lot of people and my friend’s circle inevitably shrunk. the roller coaster of emotions was far from normal for someone who normally keeps everything inside. initially i gained a bit of weight, but soon followed by an unexplained weight drop and then a loss of appetite. at times i felt beyond overwhelmed, but still, i didn’t think it was necessary to reach out to others. i had some time for self development and self discovery. i developed some coping mechanisms to get me through these tough times. the learning curve has been steadily steep and painful at times, but i’m grateful i’m still healthy and breathing. the world has slowed so i can rediscover myself
i made one of my biggest decision to step down from a position i held for many years so that i can start writing my own taekwondo legacy. it took an immense amount of courage to make that all important phone call. if it wasn’t for this covid situation, i would never have picked up the phone. there’s been many delays and obstacles that sometimes makes me question my next move, but every small step in the right direction is a small victory. i’m ever so grateful that i have the support of my many friends, students and parents alike. in retrospect, the removal of this band-aid should have been done much earlier and do what’s best for my personal growth. my time as a caterpillar has expired. my wings are ready
after dealing with a ‘bad ankle’ all of last year and spending nine months on the waitlist before learning late last year that i have a fully ruptured ligament. i was denied of surgery by physicians and was given two options: pull out of some of my sports and activities, or accept only performing at a compromised level. i was totally convinced there are things i’ll “never be able to do again” and bought into the idea this is the end. for those who know me, know where my passion lies. i wasn’t going to accept that i’ll no longer be the competitor i once was. in the darkest days, i decided i was going to quit taekwondo, give up tricking, pull out of ice hockey and stop dodgeball. giving up taekwondo was a big deal because over a decade is no small commitment. at that time very few people knew the verdict of my ankle because i wasn’t prepared to let it be known. i was simply going to remove myself without disclosing the real reason. i guess lucky and unlucky at the same time, covid put a halt to everything which forced me to prioritize my health and have urgency to do my rehab instead of blindly beating it up with nonstop activities. after three hundred and sixty five days and a lot of time and patience on rehab, i can smile and say i’m still involved in things i’m passionate about and doing things i didn’t think was still possible. i wouldn’t have imagined life if had i walked away from my passion. dedication doesn’t have an off-season
the ever-changing situation of this pandemic, no matter which phase, had a little bit of everything that caused so many disturbances and uncertainties. 2020 life has had many struggles and no shortage of anxiety, but there’s also been rewarding opportunities and important self discoveries. the fact it was not all smiles behind the mask made me appreciate the little things more. everyone is going through their own set of obstacles, but this is not forever. once this is all over, be grateful we survived