2019 year at a glance

the recap of the past 365 days could easily be all negative, but instead of going down the rabbit hole of saying everything that went wrong, i also want to recap on all the things that went right. sure, my ankle injury cost me nine months of the year to diagnosis, but it didn’t stop me from carrying out the things i can still do. weightlifting was a big plus this year for i joined apex and dove back into olympic lifting. i got pretty good progress despite the many physical road blocks; a seventeen kilo improvement and making the yellow plates for a personal best. in the mere two months i was introduced to clean and jerk techniques, i’m happy to be just shy of the blue plates. tricking has caused me the most grief. there were so many flips and tricks i wanted to land, but couldn’t mostly because my injuries didn’t allow me to do things i should be able to. i’ll have to accept the fact there’ll be some specific moves i’ll never be able to do again, forever. i had a serious debate inside telling me to quit because everyone has given up on me, even me. at one point i had a deadline in mind to land one of the three moves i’ve been working on. low and behold, i did not land one, but i’m urged to give it a little more time because i’m really close. taekwondo became really stressful having to train a new set of teaching staff. i never once thought i’d test for my fourth degree, especially not with the ankle i was on. sports aside, i also traveled to europe, met some new people, got rid of toxic ones, changed departments and tried new things. i had some very low moments throughout this year where i really wanted to give up, but i kept my head up as hard as it was. i told myself because i never have up, 2020 will be the year for me where everything will fall into place and it’s my year to shine

day 1278 Рroger surges 

no regrets staying up until 4:45am just so i can witness federer win another australian open. much of the day was spent being a nerd doing my assignment, reading articles i enjoyed. the promotion test went smoothly and nothing particular went wrong, but somehow i’m feeling strangely bad about myself. the feeling of dissatisfaction of not being good enough and unworthiness is expanding in my head. i’m losing faith in myself and losing grip on what i want to achieve. hopefully that changes when i wake up tomorrow for a fresh start to the week

day 1066 – annual award

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another busy season of taekwondo comes to an end with the passing of canada cup. through this season, i have found much success further developing my own competition game as well as training my students. it hasn’t been easy at all, there has been lots of struggles and self doubts along the way, but i got the job done at the end of the day. here’s to another grand champion trophy to add to my collection. i don’t know how many more competitions i have in me; i am hoping won’t end just yet

day 544 – fighting self

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it’s one of those days where nothing happened but i just feel really hopeless and everything appears so grim. the feeling i get that i am fighting myself where¬†it’s a no win situation no matter what perspective i look at it. knowing what i need to do but still can’t do it is the hardest thing i have to swallow. as hard as this process is, it’s something no one can help me with and i must do it for myself. i better work hard to figure it out because time isn’t stopping for me. this is time for a self reflection and a true test of how badly i want it

day 106 – living without a dream

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a place of mind…is it really as simple as it sounds?? all i feel is a place of distress, dilemma and uncompromising fortunes. what was once satisfying is no longer satisfying, how do i continue to take strides forward?? in the biggest search to find what will motivate and satisfy me