day 2186 – self journal reflect

a friend of mine has recently made me buy in on decluttering. took the morning to do a clean up of my room and only got through a portion of it. i got rid of a number of things i won’t be using again and listed new or almost new items on facebook marketplace. being the end of week four, i had a bit of reflection time for my self journal. i must say i’ve done a pretty terrible job the past two weeks. i really need to do a better job of staying on track and being diligent with my choices

living through my falls

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it’s unbelievable how fast things could change and how far things could fall. outside my shell, it’s hard to tell i have lived through two very rough weeks. but beneath my shell, my life felt very close to the “underworld”, filled with mayhem that’s got me feeling rocking bottom. the descend started off with a week long fever, cough then cold. i couldn’t muster much activity during this time; i was bed ridden and under endless medication majority of the time. my body felt weak as ever; all the ground i’ve gained has been lost, and deep down i felt even worse about myself because i couldn’t do anything to change it. luckily, i had a personal nurse that took care of me and almost felt more concerned about my health than i ever was. just as i was recovering from sickness, the nightmare hit me hard – literally. ever since being struck at dodgeball playoffs, i felt like i was living in a really bad dream. having a concussion is scary because everything felt out of whack. my head and neck were throbbing, my movements were slowed, my speech and thoughts were disoriented, my appetite was affected – the bottom line is, i wasn’t able to function like my normal self. what made it difficult was i couldn’t tell people what i was going through nor could i disclose the severity fearing they will not let me continue with my upcoming events which means so much to me. i’m feeling slightly better with each passing day and a week after the incident, i can safely say recovery seems like it’s on course. thankful mo has been by my side during this rough span. just having his presence makes things better and gives me the inspiration to think on the bright side even when times get tough. i’ve fallen very far down and lost a lot of the gains i’ve been working hard at, but now is really not the time to hang my head. i’m not okay with myself and my performance in it’s current stage, so i’m going to make it right. i must get it together and make up that ground in a hurry. it won’t be easy, but it will be done

day 978 – carb loading

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back in town from a self satisfying trip down portland. first off, post competition breakfast carb loading with my man. competition prep period had its millions of sacrifices and restrictions which made some days painstakingly hard to get through. i haven’t eaten so much in a meal in so long, i forget how bread and potatoes amongst many other things taste like. i’ll give myself a couple days off to indulge in things i couldn’t have had during that phase, but won’t be long before i have to live with those restrictions again in pursuit of my next big event

day 965 – reading up

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having some down time amidst my busy schedule is never a bad thing. spent my alone time being productive at timmys and doing my readings before i go off to training. i am only on the first chapter of this book, but everything that’s been said totally relates to me. this might help pull me out of the many competition ruts that i stumbled upon. why have i not read this book way back to my first competition days??

day 843 – formal outfit

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my outfit of the day going to the all important vdl 10 years celebration. this is a night i will remember because i am sober for the duration of the social. getting to see all the old faces who came before my time and helped guide this league into what it is ten years later. the growth of this league is amazing and it was only made possible because this committed group of people came together to build a community. i am truly happy to be a part of the building team because vdl has given me so much in return

day 827 – temptations

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two bowls filled with halloween chocolate up for grab this morning. the past me would have hastily pigged out on it, but not today. today i decided to walk away from it cause i don’t want low quality addictives to ruin my system. i still can’t believe i resisted the urge to indulge in them but i know i made someone proud. i feel like my mental game is getting stronger already

day 803 – lift them

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couldn’t get through my conscience without hitting the gym after a horrible eating day. just pigged out terribly bad past two days i feel like crap. no more thanksgiving pigging out for me, eating is so overrated. the horrible combination of bad eating and no exercise makes it so tough to get back into the thick of training, and really showed for it at the gym today. i sure didn’t make the numbers today and that’s a warning i must step it up

resolution series: [three] logical

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sometimes emotions get the best of us and it’s how we choose to deal with these emotions that separates you from others. whether that may be through physical outputs or financial outputs or caloric intake. no matter which method you decide to use, make sure it doesn’t cause irreversible damage, severe consequences and endless regrets. everyone has different values and interests and will use their money according to those wants and needs. i like to stay on top with my technology and gadgets and that will likely not change, but that is not by all means affected by emotional spending. emotional eating is a common problem, having said that, i am not saying i will not eat junk from time to time; i just have to beware i don’t use emotional eating and drinking as part of my outlet. need to have self restraint and be logical  by making healthy eating choices. for me, physical output is my go to source when it comes to releasing all my stress and emotional concerns. when i have a rough day, breaking a sweat allows me forget about everything else and usually feel lighter afterwards. it’s like gym is my happy place where i can plug in my headphones and be alone

reality in the making

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ever had those dreams where when you wake up you don’t recall much of what happened or only recall fragmented pieces that doesn’t link up?? those temporary dreams that don’t make a lasting impression are not of my concern. when a dream worth achieving, it is a dream worth working for. a timely post to remind myself about discipline and self control because i have been doing poorly in that regard as of late. i guess that’s what separates dreams from reality and the mediocres and the good. thanks for always nudging me back on track when i start straying, reminding me the importance of the game plan and forever pushing me to do better. although sometimes it’s pretty brutal the way you put it, and you make me feel a little more useless than i need to. it is that guilt trip that lets me know i am not doing it right, that i can always do better. it takes a lot of commitment to make a dream into reality but once i put my mind to it, its reality in the making

day 538 – the last meal

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second dineout vancouver stop at carderos with some fellow hamberites. nice walk along the seawall although it was a cold one, maybe that’s why my throat is hurting. being guilt tripped after dining out past month, i told myself each time that it was the last; but after yesterday, i swear it would be the last exquisite dining out for a while and even limiting any kind of eating out as much as i can. that’s enough pampering myself with good yet expensive food