day 1960 – gaining or losing

trying something new and falling on my face is quite normal. i can’t lie about the disappointment i’ve been facing with my struggles as of late. i feel like i’ve lost the back tuck and aerial, both of which i’ve spent so long working on. the only thing i still have is my front tuck. i feel ashamed that i’m going through this struggle with my flips and tricks and very few people will understand. sports has always come rather easy all my life and my coordination has never been an issue, but for this i always second guess myself and kind of want to give up

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day 1734 – triceratops

so much driving back and forth from vancouver and richmond just because i’m part timing in dinotown. after a play where the ball grazed my thumb the wrong way, it started not feeling right. knowing it’ll never be back to normal, i thought it was at least in a borderline functional state. just as i thought my thumb was back as good as it’ll ever be, i start getting doubts. i had to lay off immediately and make sure it doesn’t get worse. if it doesn’t get better, i’ll have to wear my splint again just to play 

day 1550 – sad truth

what a turn of events in the past forty eight hours; the hours i wish never happened. can’t say i’m not thoroughly disappointed, but can’t let one disappointment dictate how i live. no matter how i move forward with life, i’ll make sure what i choose puts me as a priority. sad but true that those i least expect to care for me cares more than those i thought would take care of me. it’s quite clear with the choices made and the actions taken, or not taken. i found out where i stand – nowhere in comparison to the many activities. any day could be my last day; if today was, one thing i’d regret is settling even not having been treated properly

day 1522 – cavity checkĀ 

an extra unpleasant filling cause dentist said he had to use laser to cut some of the gum. that explains why i had four shots and still felt the numbing two hours into teaching. it makes eating difficult and it makes me hungry and not hungry at the same time. at the end of the day, i find myself a bit more disappointed with each passing day. it felt promising at times, but in the end i still haven’t been convinced. i’m still alone second guessing whether i’m only good and wanted when i’m willing to do what’s asked. it feels as though it’s more for the benefits and less of what my needs are. as long as i have this feeling, i will have my guard up and find ways to refuse it no matter deprived or not