day 2189 – fainty

been a while since i had it so bad. so bad that i left work early and took a nap in my car before i knew i was in condition to be behind the wheel. the fact that i nearly fainted was the reason i skipped out on flipping today and headed home. i was pretty sad but it left me with no choice but to crawl into bed. i hope to feel better tomorrow because i still got work to do, workout to crush and softball to play

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day 15090 – beneath 

i didn’t have to come today but i didn’t know what to do with myself when my mind doesn’t stop going. struggles still pop up though all this time i denied i was hurt much deeper than the surface. here i am on a friday night trying to workout like i have nothing else better to do. i have to step back, take a deep breath and remind myself i didn’t do anything wrong

day 1452 – downfall

someone said when you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up – i don’t think so. in one of my worst and weakest state yet, i still find ways to fall further. i am truly disappointed and disheartened to the point where my heart turned stone cold as tears rolled down. i sense that i’m nearing the brink and any disloyalty would cause more than a rumble because my trust is not infinite nor free. it will hurt but i know that if boundary is crossed, i will not hold on

day 1416 – grandma’s arm

my grandma is over ninety but probably healthier than me even before i turned nineteen. rarely has she made my family worry, but today i received bad news that she broke her arm from a fall. i’m worried that she’s suffering in pain, that she can’t take care of herself, that she wants my father by her side. she needs to go through a procedure and what she needs most is care that i cannot provide her. i just can’t rest easy knowing what she is going through and can only wish i could take it for her

day 998 – under serving

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some days i feel out of it and today is one of them where i am just really not feeling coaching and training. being at taekwondo made me sad on this day because i am struggling to find the motivation to pick myself up. the competition week is fast approaching and my preparedness is far from being competition ready. this is a big one, but my a-game is nowhere to be found. all i want to do in avoid thinking about it and hope it gets out of my head. i know this can’t continue and i am searching for a fix