day 1839 – gym socks

got on the highway and turned for home when i found out i left my gym socks at home. ended up hitting nash after dinner for a quick session of front squats, one of the few barbell exercises i can currently do. nothing like lifting some iron after many consecutive days of rough days at work. some days i question how sane i am to still be at this office. i really do miss this nash now that i don’t come as often due to work and commitments. but it’s here i find myself most comfortable and the place where i get in the best lifts

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day 1778 Рhandspring 

it was a rough day with so much fluttering through my mind and possibly a big decision oncoming. i few messages sent my way in the morning almost made me explode. i didn’t feel like going to flip after work, but i did anyway. wasn’t too bad with my first cracked at combos and crash course on front handsprings. i was, however, terrible at back tucks and didn’t bother doing anymore than three before i called it a day. i went home feeling quite disappointed and down. it’s just one of those off days that wasn’t meant to be, but i’ll come back clean and try again next time

day 1360 – epcot

it’s bad when no solid food would stay down and three barf bags wasn’t enough to last the day. i was worried i wouldn’t last the day at epcot and ruin the disney experience for mo. i wanted him to go explore the park while i rest but instead, he guided me through and was patient when i needed frequent breaks. luckily after throwing up everything and taking a nap on the bench, i felt much better and had the energy to enjoy the rest of epcot. it was a tiring day that didn’t start off well, but ended happy and satisfied

day 1342 – fortunate and unfortunate

i consider myself very lucky still eating my brother’s birthday cake with family despite everything that could go wrong is going wrong. if my reaction came any later at the speed it unfolded, i may have been on my way out. as i sit alone at night with thoughts flowing in and out, thinking i may or may not have a legacy to leave behind. i just know i still have a lot untried and unaccomplished, and all my dearest and a ton of regrets i can’t bear to leave behind

 

day 1337 – raspy

popping advils and drinking honey lemon water to fight off headache, sinus and raspy throat. i can’t let my immune system fail me now; i need to take care of others instead of being taken care of. going into the office today was hard as hell; i couldn’t concentrate on my tasks as my mind was far, far away. i kept telling myself i must chug on until i can no longer

day 1287 – emotional eating

could barely keep my eyes open this morning but i still felt okay during the day. i had all the intention to go training tonight but everything kind of fell apart when evening hit. i went way off track i couldn’t get myself to go to training. instead, i turned for home where emotional eating happened. disappointment loomed over me and i feel so utterly disgusted at myself for being useless. i just want to pull a blanket over my head or better yet bury myself in a hole

day 762 – self destructive

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monday blues definitely hit me really hard. woke up with a headache and feeling crappy overall, not wanting to get out of bed, unable to be productive and not knowing what to do with myself. the gloomy wetness outside only makes matter worse and all i want to do is sit around and do nothing. do nothing it was, and i got a starbucks that i don’t deserve one bit. but later in the afternoon, i willed myself to get some stuff done instead of being a completely useless human being