every emotion

2020 has undoubtedly presented a crazy challenge to many, myself included. the coronavirus has brought forth many changes in my life i never once thought about. it introduced “social distancing”, a new term we can’t go through a day without using. it mandated the use of face masks in order to complete our daily routines. more importantly, never have i once thought it was possible for me to deviate from the gogogo lifestyle i’ve gotten so accustomed to. the combination of everything was no shortage of an emotional roller coaster where i found myself at an all-time low. in midst of this pandemic, i’ve had time to reflect on all that i have and be grateful for what i do with passion. if i look closely, there’s still blessings during the covid times

i can only speak for myself, but the lockdown has been unreal from the very beginning because my life was flipped upside down. i was removed from basically everything that represented me. the world was full of uncertainties and the only thing i was certain about was i still had a heartbeat. it left a huge void in my life and i felt like i was deserted. some days getting out of bed was a drag because the purpose was so unclear. without the community engagement aspect, i lost touch with a lot of people and my friend’s circle inevitably shrunk. the roller coaster of emotions was far from normal for someone who normally keeps everything inside. initially i gained a bit of weight, but soon followed by an unexplained weight drop and then a loss of appetite. at times i felt beyond overwhelmed, but still, i didn’t think it was necessary to reach out to others. i had some time for self development and self discovery. i developed some coping mechanisms to get me through these tough times. the learning curve has been steadily steep and painful at times, but i’m grateful i’m still healthy and breathing. the world has slowed so i can rediscover myself

i made one of my biggest decision to step down from a position i held for many years so that i can start writing my own taekwondo legacy. it took an immense amount of courage to make that all important phone call. if it wasn’t for this covid situation, i would never have picked up the phone. there’s been many delays and obstacles that sometimes makes me question my next move, but every small step in the right direction is a small victory. i’m ever so grateful that i have the support of my many friends, students and parents alike. in retrospect, the removal of this band-aid should have been done much earlier and do what’s best for my personal growth. my time as a caterpillar has expired. my wings are ready

after dealing with a ‘bad ankle’ all of last year and spending nine months on the waitlist before learning late last year that i have a fully ruptured ligament. i was denied of surgery by physicians and was given two options: pull out of some of my sports and activities, or accept only performing at a compromised level. i was totally convinced there are things i’ll “never be able to do again” and bought into the idea this is the end. for those who know me, know where my passion lies. i wasn’t going to accept that i’ll no longer be the competitor i once was. in the darkest days, i decided i was going to quit taekwondo, give up tricking, pull out of ice hockey and stop dodgeball. giving up taekwondo was a big deal because over a decade is no small commitment. at that time very few people knew the verdict of my ankle because i wasn’t prepared to let it be known. i was simply going to remove myself without disclosing the real reason. i guess lucky and unlucky at the same time, covid put a halt to everything which forced me to prioritize my health and have urgency to do my rehab instead of blindly beating it up with nonstop activities. after three hundred and sixty five days and a lot of time and patience on rehab, i can smile and say i’m still involved in things i’m passionate about and doing things i didn’t think was still possible. i wouldn’t have imagined life if had i walked away from my passion. dedication doesn’t have an off-season

the ever-changing situation of this pandemic, no matter which phase, had a little bit of everything that caused so many disturbances and uncertainties. 2020 life has had many struggles and no shortage of anxiety, but there’s also been rewarding opportunities and important self discoveries. the fact it was not all smiles behind the mask made me appreciate the little things more. everyone is going through their own set of obstacles, but this is not forever. once this is all over, be grateful we survived

day 2407 – brainstorming

the thirty six hour whirlwind of text messages, calls and emails is finally over. i got the all important document that salvaged killarney classes for this weekend. even though it’s fixed in the nick of time, it doesn’t change the fact the business owner didn’t own up to his school and left me out on this insurance roller coaster. if i hadn’t personally reached out, none of the problem would never have been resolved. i’m learning as i go, but i’m also learning how much the grandmaster is willing to do for killarney. maybe it’s really time i start my own thing

building 2017

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2016 was one heck of a crazy roller coaster ride. the past twelve months gave me ample opportunities to experience more of what life is about. i found myself in the darkest moments where i shut myself off from the world, fluctations and eating problems ensued. i managed to dig deep with the support of my close ones, and got myself back together. nothing came easy as nothing worth achieving ever comes easy. behind closed doors, i fought many battles that no one knew about, but the most important thing is i never gave up on myself. i came to realization that i don’t want to remain stagnant and don’t want to remain the same so i took on some challenges. i defined what my goals were and was proactive in taking the necessary steps to get myself there. through the hard times i gained a lot of knowledge and strength that no doubt made a better me. it made me realize i’m much stronger than i think i am and need to get even stronger to withstand. i’m much closer to where i want to be but i’m not where i want to be yet. i’m still working on becoming the best version of myself

finished 2016 on a high note and looking to build a strong 2017 with bigger and more ambitious goals. it’s time to take it up a notch or even two and fulfill whatever my heart desires

  • stay as healthy and as injury-free as possible
  • train smarter and eat properly with sufficient sleep
  • be more disciplined and focused towards my goals
  • continue to work on my confidence level
  • love myself for who i am
  • communicate more with family and friends
  • explore the world and expand my horizon
  • attain supplementary diploma
  • appreciate being a workaholic, but also appreciate the little things
  • save up for the number game
  • revisit photography
  • do more of what sets my heart on fire

i’m pumped to make the next twelve months the best months i’ve ever had. find my strong. it’s now or never

day 1141 – momentous

img-20190804-wa00003395891093379668373.jpgit wasn’t just an ordinary day even though we’re casually going through our own business. today marks another significant day, with many more anticipated. it’s been one crazy ride thus far; never want to get too comfortable so to keep each other on our toes. not everything will be seen eye to eye, but we always manage with a compromise. i’m just grateful to have been through so much, all that with him by my side, and hope it’s likewise

day 1110 – companionship

img_20190811_1133286747062911931697498.jpgsundays are meant to be lazy, but we started off the day by hitting up nash because we both needed our lifting fix. the laziness ensued with a movie and some shopping before our evening feast. our busy and ever changing schedule has made it difficult for us to workout together, but we made it happen on one of our significant days. it’s been one heck of a ride, i am so glad to have a companion by my side for the roller coaster ride we call life

resolution series: [twentynine] walk away

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you can say life is both long and short. how much you get out of it is entirely up to you because you are in the driver’s seat controlling the wheel and choosing your path. the shotgun may have inputs on which route to take and passengers may try to initiate backseat driving, but in the end, you are steering the wheel and that’s what matters most. somehow i find an amusement park resembles a person’s life at different stages of life. each day is very much like a ferris wheel; there’s a routine and certain tasks you must complete and once that cycles one round, you get up and do it all over again. and then there’s a roller coaster where it takes much time to build up and then go from absolute high to the uttermost low in a matter of seconds, or milliseconds. the hardest part of life is living a life doing things you hate doing. makes waking up every morning that much harder than it already is. it’s time i learn to step away from the things i dread doing and concentrate on striving for the things i like. maybe a change is in order to leave behind the load of what isn’t my responsibility and pursue what i am passionate about. in the end it is taking the good out of the grand scheme of things and making the most out of what you can, not what you are given. if you don’t like what are you doing, don’t follow blindly, walk away and choose your own destiny

resolution series: [five] follow your dreams

imagethere comes a time when self doubts and uncertainties creep into your mind and you wonder if what you are doing is the best thing. unlike math, there is no formula in life that calculates and spits out values or absolute answers of what is the best for you. as long as you do what your heart desires, it is the right thing to do. i feel like the last little while my life has been a roller coaster ride, sometimes soaring sky high and other times simply free falling. recently, i have been in limbo whether i have lost track of what i am doing and if that is still where my interest lies. i don’t want to be endlessly chasing something just because someone said i have to or just doing it for the sake of doing it. been putting a lot of thought into finding all the answers to what i really value, what i want to achieve in life, what i want to be known for, what legacy i want to leave behind and ultimately what path i want to take. i have gotten answers in some aspects, but i still have much to figure out. i understand these money answers will not come overnight because no one will ever have it crystal clear in its entirety and it is something one will take a lifetime to find out. john lennon once said, “everything will be okay. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” as long as i am progressing, i will let everything come to me and take it one step at a time, one answer at a time. stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid to follow your heart, follow your dreams. it also happens to be my motto i live by

day 454 – fright night

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second ever fright night and it wasn’t too shabby. even though my shoes and socks were soaked from random moments of down pour, it was still a memorable night. had some actors chase after me as i was running towards the roller coaster. a few haunted house and handful of coasters, hellavators and other rides capped off a wet rainy tuesday. the lit ferris wheel was very calming in between houses, especially at its peak i could see the world from up top