day 1786 – thoracolumbar

not how i had planned out my thursday. i had to leave work early, miss bootcamp and skip softball to visit my chiropractor. only then had i found out i injured my thoracolumbar junction. i’m in so much pain i couldn’t rotate, bend or reach. i wanted to continue with my sports, but there was really no range for that. of course, i tried to tape my own back and needed to prove it can be done. i struggled behind the mirror for over an hour before putting it with proper tension. only then i realized the jammed part of the vertebrae had a softball sized bruise

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day 1381 – waking up

i am getting more irritated and more concerned waking up every morning feeling like a train hit me. i can’t move my neck to look down at the ground and cringe every time i need go bend over. these restrictions isn’t working for me and it’s only a matter of time before i explode. there’s so much i hate about my life at this point because it doesn’t allow me to move or play at will and i’m simply dying from gym withdrawal

day 1379 – icbc rehab

the bad just got worse and now i’m put on a long chiro rehab program through icbc. the quality of life is just not there at the moment and i really want to give up. there’s no comfortable position between sitting, standing and laying down; basic mobility is compromised to the point where the pain keeps me from sleeping. it’s been a horrid week sleep deprived, not being able to go to gym, not playing sports like normal, not able to be myself. it’s asking for too much from me when i have reduce some of my physical activities and even hold off in some cases. i try not appear in pain but even staying strong has its limits and i’ve reached it. i don’t know if restricting all my sports is easier or death

day 1364 – toasting 

i can tell you such restricting diet sucks when all i really wanted today was a chocolate chip cookie. it’s times like this when i crave all the bad stuff that i consistently pry myself from anyways. i’ve had enough plain bread and blandness the past week. my first trial run of first real food was an egg and my treat of the day was pint sized chicken udon for dinner. people have been telling me i shrunk, and my face is noticeably paler, skinnier and look borderline unhealthy

day 1363 – robot war 

nine dodgeless days is over as robot war strikes. a simple game of dodgeball with player stat tracking to spark trade talks. the few twists to the rules but i’m ready to contribute to team doraemon. day three of liquid diet consisted of three slices of toasts and one banana; i’m surprised i still had energy in the tank to play. these restrictions suck and i would experience spurts of dizziness throughout the day

day 1249 – year end work

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closing the year off where i want to be. although there were distractions at the gym, being plugged in helped cancel out some of that noise. though it still hurts to do a lot if things and it still hurts knowing i’m still under restrictions, i still had a decent eve workout. here’s hoping more good workouts for 2017 and following through gunning for better fitgoals. i’ll never stop chasing for what i want knowing where i once was. i need to stay confident in myself no matter how much doubts and put downs i face

day 1154 – hold off

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i feel like i’ve lost control of what i can control. i can’t hide the disappointment that hit me when physio told me to stop and rest for a week. he rarely does that to me and usually lets me play within my limits, so when he does, i know it’s severe. that means skipping games, gym, trainings…does it also mean skip my competition?? how long i manage to stay away remains to be seen. overwhelming day with that news, school and more life questions