day 1394 – speak easy

nationals in the back of my mind the whole day made me so restless. i never expected the decision to be easy to overcome, and i think i handled it the best i could. what made it more difficult was i had no one to speak my mind and made it less inviting when i’m constantly being criticized, teased or ignored. i feel like i’m taking this on alone and less willing to pour my heart out knowing i’m going to get insults. i don’t know how long i can take the punishment

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day 1134 – september blues

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it’s one of those hump days i could go without. i had a restless night wanting to vomit but couldn’t. i had a bad dream which made me concerned about the many make belief scenarios going through my head. i woke up with more pain than yesterday; it hurts to do basic things including breathe. i can’t quite describe why these thoughts are going through my head. let’s pretend it’s just part of the september blues, or maybe it’s just the back to school feeling after labour day