day 2222 – fourth bound

after a full day at the dojo, i walked away with a fourth dan certificate. though i was satisfied with most, i was unhappy about one thing. i was bitter my x-out didn’t get the three attempts that all breakings get because he was worried i’d hurt myself. if held firmly, i was confident in breaking it. i’m still pretty proud i went for it considering the roller coaster i had been on the past few weeks. it was a good attempt and maybe the best attempt i had with boards. i’ll keep practicing and do it better one of these days for redemption. i’m just relieved this is all over. my beaten body full of gashes and bruises deserves the break after two long days at the dojo and of course all the work i’ve put into my x-out. definitely a smart decision to take tuesday as a flex day

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day 1912 – design table

the new drawers we put in to the plant production finally came into the design studio. it was a massive unit hence it was a big struggle maneuvering and lifting the quartz top. with the help of eight people, we managed to transport the old out and new in. i’m just relieved the cabinet fit into the space or else all fingers points at me. the new drawers definitely puts a big upgrade to the design table and design area as a whole

fulfilment

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heaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

day 1211 – on the line

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a weary week it has been with added stress and commotion. i’ve handled them myself to the best of my ability and dealt with them with a sense of urgency. i live through my passion that others may not see value or significance in. no one will understand how and why some things can impact me so much, but i’ll keep fighting for what i believe in and hope that one day they see it too. extremely relieved that i completed some tests and great to see that i can be a contender too; glad to know i’m wanted somewhere. i’m proud that i’m strong enough to stick with it

day 1196 – second midterm

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cramming in more studying and ready to ace that second midterm. i didn’t do as much studying as i would have liked because i had problems focusing, but i had a pretty good feeling as i handed in the test. now i can kick back at home and enjoy my down time. it’s not that late but the sky may say otherwise; must get used to it because it’ll get dark early for the next couple months

day 1161 – midterm one

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i’ve never been a keener that’s the first to show up to class. i am a natural procrastinator; arriving just in time is what i do. it surprises me four weeks in and still perfectly punctual. in fact, i’ve been consistent at arriving fifteen before class starts. i prepared myself for a much more technical and hands on midterm, but it turns out to be more theoretical. feeling slightly relieved because i think i did well, but now i have to turn my attention to the term project which will no doubt have me all stressed out soon

day 1088 – lemon dishes

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my parents taking me out for dinner on one of the rare days i have a sit down meal with them. it’s important i let them have a piece of my mind; at least now they have an idea of what’s going through my head. they took my opinions and thoughts relatively well. even though it seems like nothing is resolved, i do feel relieved to let it out. i no longer want to be carrying this rock on my shoulders because it’s a neverending burden