deadened

so much has surfaced i no longer think i can continue on. at times like this when a big life event takes place, is usually when the true self becomes apparent. the truth is, work, sleeps play, and all extracurricular activities are all of higher importance than going under the knife. it pains me to see the true colours revealed, but it’s necessary so i know not to have any more expectations. the day i was admitted into the hospital is the day i decided there’s nothing worth saving. i asked myself if i can accept the treatment and care i received, and sadly the answer was no. the bar that was set pretty low cannot be moved any lower. i deserve to be treated better and i know that day will come when i get the proper care. for the time being, i’m going to keep my cool and keep the words to myself because there’s no point in voicing what would never be understood. i can no longer hold everything inside of me; my mental, emotional, spiritual state of mind is dead. all i can do is shut all those down and smile to appear okay

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day 1401 – feeding off 

after a stressful mental battle with stacy garcia deadline for eight hours, my mind was drained. a quick visit to chiro with steady recovery for my back and ribs, but bad news for my hip. it was humbling when a power lifter i frequently see and viewed from afar came to introduce herself. i look on as she’s feeding off his encouragements as she goes. what i didn’t know was as i’m impressed with the amount of weight she pushed, she is equally impressed with my coordination and balance as i did my olympic lifts and pistols

twenties series: [twelve] childhoodness

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the transition of growing up from stage to stage is not an easy one. being a kid was easy but we wouldn’t even realize it at that time. during the first decade, there’s no need to stress, no need to worry and every day passed by like it was the best day of our lives. went to school, played with friends, had some extracurricular activities and went home happy and carefree. stepping into the second decade was a tougher because we realize there are added responsibilities and the acknowledgement of what stress is. school gets busier, homework increases, extracurricular activities piles on, not to mention drama will occur, relationships becomes unclear and the need to start thinking about career path. entering the third decade of the life, formally known as adulthood, is the toughest yet. school gets tougher, every exam and paper is like a do or die situation, extracurricular activities continues, love life has its ups and downs, and you feel like your career is trapped in fog and there’s no turning back. there are those moments when nothing is going right, everything happens out of the unexpected and everyone seems to be against you and you think long and hard and question whether you made the right decisions five years ago. i now understand why people will occasionally go in the quarter life crisis. i don’t know what is in store for me the rest of this decade and the next ones to come, but i am set to make take the positives out of situations and make it the best possible experience

twenties series: [six] forgive

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there are many challenges in life with all the ups and downs. it’s inevitable that we will cross paths with some people that you just can’t see eye to eye with. as i meet more and more people in all walks of life, i realize the importance to keep those who make a positive impact in my life. those who provide nothing but negativity and those only considered friends with benefits shouldn’t be kept around because they don’t matter. i noticed different stages of life will call for different circles of friends, some come and go but those who really matter will stick with me forever. from time to time, arguments may arise even with the whomever deemed important to you, but the main point is don’t let that get in the way of the relationship. it’s all about learning to forgive because who knows there may be times when you will also be hoping for forgiveness; in the end no one is perfect. just remember not to blow things out of propoertion, keep everything as simple as it can be because often, it is easier to forgive and move on than to hold a grudge long term. it may seem like a tall task in the heat of the moment, but once you look back, it is the logical thing to do. life is too short to always hold grudges and it’s never a good thing to put a valued friendship in jeopardy

連詩雅 – I’m Still Loving You

a good song with good lyrics deserves to be top played on my playlist. don’t know where this artist came up from, but she has some other good songs that also deserves notable mention. i like this song not because the sad lyrics relates to me but rather the meaning is true in life many ways, someone in this world will make your world complete, but its important to know the truth behind the lies

吳浩康 – 擇日失戀

skyrocketed in my hit list rating lately, one of my current favourite song during my car ride that’s been on repeat for the past couple months. really like his songs both the tunes and the lyrics. although the song title “breakup” and the lyrics sounds utterly pessimistic, i actually don’t get that feeling when i listen to it

陳展鵬 – 差半步

ruco chan’s newest song is currently at the top of my playlist ever since i downloaded the song. the tune and lyrics are very well written and seem to represent my feelings at times. i have been thoroughly impressed with ruco chan and been one of my recent favourites in tvb, appearing in many larger production tvb series with good casting roles