day 2090 – vita galore

i haven’t drank vita lemon tea for a really long time, until i downed four boxes over this weekend. still reminiscing the team trip and wished i didn’t didn’t have to go home so soon. waking up monday morning after a long weekend is usually one of the most difficult thing to do. i don’t want to go back to work and the life of my normal daily routines. i can only look forward to the next day off i have

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singapore 2018

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the seventeen-day hong kong and singapore trip was pretty good but also came with some hard realization. it was an eventful two and a half weeks full of relatives, eating, walking, relaxing, chilling and exercising. with my parents, we explored the many places of singapore with exceptional architecture and delicious foods. i thought i would gain a lot of weight being in asia with endless eating, but that was not the case since i kept my exercise level up. i met up with old friends who took me on a wild tour to see the ins and outs of what hong kong is about. the main purpose of this trip was to visit my two grandmas. they are getting up there in age and it’s important for me to see them as often as time permits. spending time with them during this trip made me learn the brutal reality of health and aging. both of them had their mobility restrictions. my heart felt sour knowing i can’t help them out of this brutality even with the vast amount of experience, knowledge and education. all i can do is be by their side and spend time with them. with that said, i could see my grandmas’ face glow when i take them out for lunch, or even simply pay them an afternoon visit. regardless of what was said, it was good to spend time traveling with my parents; i don’t get that much anymore. that’s a wrap for my 2018 asia trip. i’ll be back soon enough

day 1887 – envisioning

maybe it’s not a bad idea to take up presale condo shopping as a new hobby. making myself comfortable and envisioning my soon to be new home. i’ve been eyeing multiple developments and wanting to invest in one for quite some time, but i have some more saving to do before i can hold down a unit. definitely made some progress over the last little while, but better sit down and strategize how it can be sped up to make my dream become a reality

reflecting reality

highschool really did feel like just yesterday. just like majority of highschoolers, i graduated and went onto university thinking i had it planned for the rest of my life. truth is, that thought couldn’t have been any more incorrect and far from reality. i went on to graduate just like how my parents had mapped it out, with an honours degree in environmental design. after a bachelor, i was suppose to do my masters of architecture and become a fully licensed architect. that never happened because acceptance rate was one in ten. i took a brief break but have been working since then. my point is, life is far from how i had imagined it straight out of highschool. i’ve chosen a less traveled career path unlike the stereotypical asian jobs. i’ve believed that my friends circle will remain unchanged. i’ve been misled that i’d meet someone who would treat me like a destination. i’ve learned that growing up requires unlearning the learned. it’s been a struggle as i continue to walk down this path establishing myself as a professional and finding where i truly belong. the start of the year has been really good to me; working my butt off has earned me respect within my peers. i’ve climbed the work ladder real quick liked my manager forewarned, and as a result have been delegated a lot more responsibilities. nothing was given to me; i had to step up and grasp all the windows of opportunities. because of the obstacles and challenges i overcame, i have become the strong woman i am today. i’m not where i want to be yet, but with my grit drive and determination, i’m have full confidence i will make my dreams a reality. i’m on a mission to finding myself and finding my strong. this is where it all starts and where everything will come together for me 

day 1630 – keepsake gemsĀ 

highschool best buddy sent over a surprise with pictures she found while cleaning up her house. i laughed when i saw my artona grad pictures. was highschool really that long ago and have i aged since then? what have i accomplished since and was it what i imagined life would be like? no. i graduated highschool expecting i’d have taken my architecture masters, that i’d be working in my dream job making big bucks, that i’d be living in a mansion i designed, that i’d meet someone who treats me as a destination. most of that is just a fantasy, but what’s real is i’m proud of where i am now and the adversity i had to face to get here

day 1491 – work is life


aside from the need to making a living and making what i had spent on vacation, work is pretty much my life. back in the office after two days off and there’s nearly thirty unread emails. within an hour in the office, project managers are asking if their requested deliverables would be ready today. excited to have a new setup and an upgraded workstation. there’s no easing in as my first day is already an eleven hour day with work and teaching. i don’t mind it too much being back in the thick of things; at least i am important somewhere

self shamed

i would be in a better place if only i could see eye to eye with this quote. getting bashed is something i’ve gotten too used to growing up. for years and years, i’ve always struggled with confidence, mainly self confidence. never came naturally and at times questioned if it even exists. i always thought of all my imperfections and in my mind i always had a vision of what perfect is. i thought i had found some latter part of last year when i was at my peak and everything felt well, but that has diminished. being a person that’s largely affected by other’s words, i take every put down personal. lately i’ve fallen depressed and almost ashamed of myself in so many ways. i wasn’t happy nor satisfied with my mental state, physique and features and even where i am within the society. i can’t be the perfect daughter, i can’t be the perfect girl, i can’t have the perfect job, i can’t have the perfect personality, i can’t have the perfect physique – i simply can’t be perfect. this self hate sucks because i would feel the need to purposely beat myself up or starve myself. losing sleep thinking over and over again what i need to get the self confidence back. it’s been a struggle learning to accept myself for who i am