day 1766 – trickery

i took a huge step out of my comfort zone and stepped back onto the spring floor for the first time in nearly two years. the plan is to get back into gymnastics and not only pick up where i left off, but to pick up even more things to add to my repertoire. i’m so stoked i got a chance to be spotted to go head over heels on my first day back. it was definitely a not a natural feeling after not having gone head over heels in some time. i wonder how long it’ll take me to get back landing this flip without a spotter. i have a lot i want to learn, so no doubt i’ll be pushing myself

day 1498 – hiatus

having a hard time accepting the point it’s gotten to and where it’s headed. the hiatus must be changed because i feel it has regressed. i’m not going to settle for less because satisfactory just doesn’t cut it. when asked what i’m getting in return from all my sacrifices, i really couldn’t answer. now that i think about it, i’ve sacrificed myself too much without really much in return just because i let my limits be pushed. the accumulated frustration of neglected feelings and my well-being is tarting to show and i hate to think that i’m only called upon when i can be of benefit. i was warned that i’ll reach the point of snapping when i’m fed up with the one-sidedness

mental game

image

bad habits always gets me. every time i feel like i am in exhaustion, i will stop short of completion and make myself believe enough is enough. i have just come to accept the fact that my mental game is not as strong as it needs to be, and that there’s nothing i can do to improve that aspect. this shortcoming is probably an explanation as to why my game has remained stagnant over the years, where i stop short and fail to take my game to the next level. and this only becomes a cyclical process where when i don’t perform well, i tend to hang my head but not focus on finding the underlying problems and dealing with it head on. just today i was reminded that my body is stronger than i think and when fatigue sets in, the mind is usually the first to give in. so when training in and out of the gym, or anywhere for that matter, it is as much training for my mentality as it is for my physicality. it is good that i get to work alongside some of the most motivational individuals because reality is i need constant reminder that i must stop at nothing until i push out the last rep of the last set. the kind of people that are never satisfied and always challenging me to be better and only then will i come to the realization that i can do things i thought i never could. these individuals keep me honest and lets me know that i ain’t going anywhere until i complete it cause anything below my maximum capability is unacceptable.  i think my recent knee ligament that made me forgo my november competition really caused the damage – in a good way. there’s been a recent spark in me that i want it more than ever before; that i am willing to work hard for what i want to achieve and i am going to tackle my weaknesses head on. i no longer want my game to remain the same. i have some ambitious goals to reach and it certainly wouldn’t reach itself. i am ready to take that next step in further enhancing my game, and i am determined to do whatever it takes. the power is in me and it is up to me to train it to work to live up to my fullest potential. i do believe it is in me

all in a days work

image

this reminds me of my physio crew that serves me so well. they have tried to hammer that the feelings of soreness, tired, fatigue, exhaustion are all part of the package because it means the training is working. for all the years they have known me, they must have heard every possible reason or excuse from me by now and no longer adhere to what i say or how i feel. as far as they are concerned, they will push me as hard and as far as they see fit, and give me no breathing room to escape. my reasons have little or no effect on them, they just listen and look at me but do nothing to acknowledge. even when i plead i can’t, their response is only “i don’t care, you have or do it”. so i know whenever something asked of me seems insurmountable, my mind is constantly finding ways to cut myself some slack. but no matter what i say or plead, the demand doesn’t change but all these can’t thoughts comes out so naturally. but i am grateful for their uncompromising and unsympathetic attitude, because they see that i am capable of such and that’s the only way i will get better. it is the main reason i have made big strides in the right direction – towards a healthier me

day 566 – physio at his best

image

physio had his radar on me the entire morning and went crazy today pushing me hard and maxing out my leg. said he was on a mission to push my left leg to match the other because he’s simply not satisfied that i am settling. upon hearing that, my kinesiologist was on my back because physio faulted him for not working me hard enough. physio also discussed my mri report to confirm results came back negative. the good news is nothing broken and nothing torn, the not so good news is he has the green light to hurt me in any possible way to fix whatever is wrong with me

face it

image

after getting some unexpected news on unreasonable competition policy and feeling rather disheartened, i have really let it slip and fallen off the tracks completely. at a point where i am getting the feeling i am on the verge of giving up and hanging it up because it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. maybe i am feeling the pressure of all the expectations and i worry i won’t live up to it. or it could be the preposterous conditions and requirements the school is imposing that’s making me feel like they are denying our opportunities to grow and improve. it scares me to have the feeling that the competition doesn’t mean as much to me anymore because my interest doesn’t lie within the provinicial level. i don’t want to lose sight of the intended goals and give up on the things i have been striving for all this time because i am not ready to let it end. given the circumstances and the time constraints i have to work with, i can’t afford to have any off days that will ultimately put me two steps back each time. really needing a little push to get back in the groove, because it’s coming up so soon and time is a pressing issue. it’s a challenge i will have to face and push through the mind block no matter how much i disagree with their decision